In place of traditional method of management that controls strategy in the workplace,the predominance of commitment strategy management is becoming prevalent in the public,which allocates tasks for the whole hierarchy of business and minimizes status

In place of traditional method of management that controls strategy in the workplace,the predominance of commitment strategy management is becoming prevalent in the public,which allocates tasks for the whole hierarchy of business and minimizes status
In place of traditional method of management that controls strategy in the workplace,the predominance of commitment strategy management is becoming prevalent in the public,which allocates tasks for the whole hierarchy of business and minimizes status differentials with sharing goals and responsibilities.
1.请问这句话有语法错误吗?请指出.
2.请问这句话有更合理的阐述方式吗?
谢谢一楼的朋友，第3人称单数忘了。太粗心了我。

In place of traditional method of management that controls strategy in the workplace,the predominance of commitment strategy management is becoming prevalent in the public,which allocates tasks for the whole hierarchy of business and minimizes status
1.大的语法问题没有.但是句子主干的意思上有问题,不合逻辑.大致翻译一下楼主的句子：
取代了 （控制工作场所策略的传统管理方式）,[为整个商务活动的各个阶级分配任务并且利用各阶级的共同目标和责任来最大限度减小不同阶级之间低位差异的] {commitment strategy management 在公众中的支配地位} 正开始流行起来.
问题应该很明显了.
[ ]中间的部分整个是个大定语,本身语法上没问题,先抛开不说.
句子精简一下,就变成了 “取代了( ),{ }正开始流行起来”.那么( )和{ }应该是同一性质的东西.( )是一种“方式”,因而{ }也应该是一种“方式”,而不是楼主英文中写的“支配地位”.
所以,楼主应该把the predominance of去掉.这里需要表达的,仅仅是"commitment strategy management“这个意思.写句子时主干一定要先想清楚,然后再添各种修饰成分,不然长句子包含这么多信息,很容易就把自己思维搞乱了.写完之后也要去掉修饰词,再审查一遍主干是否合逻辑.
2.这些意思用英文一句话说是可以的.不过有一个问题是,which所引导的定语从句,习惯上紧跟它所修饰的中心词,也就是说,在这句话里,which紧跟commitment strategy management之后.这样子结构才清晰.
3.最后一点,traditional method要加the.strategy也要加the.
整个句子变为：
In place of the traditional method of management that controls the strategy in the workplace,commitment strategy management,which allocates tasks for the whole hierarchy of business and minimizes status differentials with sharing goals and responsibilities,is becoming prevalent in the public.
另外这里我只分析了句子结构的问题,至于名词、动词的使用是否恰当我就不好说了.例如strategy in the workplace,hierarchy of business,status differential,commitment strategy management这几个词,你具体要表达什么意思我就不知道了.一个明显的问题是,control 和 strategy搭配不合适.策略是一种方案,你可以制定策略、实施策略、更改策略等,一般不说控制策略.但是不知道你具体要表达什么意思,我没法给你改.

controls
allocates
minimizes