Pretty Active GirlHere is a beautiful girl who named Sara.She came from Shanghai,China.I met her this semester.Sara said there are three members in her family.It means she is the only child of her family.But one thing she told me surprised me,that he

Pretty Active GirlHere is a beautiful girl who named Sara.She came from Shanghai,China.I met her this semester.Sara said there are three members in her family.It means she is the only child of her family.But one thing she told me surprised me,that he
Pretty Active Girl
Here is a beautiful girl who named Sara.She came from Shanghai,China.I met her this semester.
Sara said there are three members in her family.It means she is the only child of her family.But one thing she told me surprised me,that her father is only child as well as her.I thought in China,my peers’ parents almost have many brothers and sisters.
When I asked her what is her favorite sport,she answered me that she is good at playing tennis.I whispered to her that is she serious.She nodded her head seriously.I couldn’t believe such a pretty girl can play tennis.Then she told me she has played tennis for three years,and she has made many friends while playing tennis.Her eyes sparkled when she spoke of playing tennis.
Sara likes to watch TV show,especially the variety show.“Because it is funny" She laughed.She said there always be three or four of her friends sat in sofa with her watching the TV show.
Sara is a positive and active girl.She always wants to know everything new,which made her to learn playing tennis.She is also the person who has a sense of humors.She likes to make fun and visit to many friends.I am very glad to meet her and I wish I can be one of her friends not just only a partner.
本人第一次写这种长度的文章,粗制滥造,已点我蛇足.

Pretty Active GirlHere is a beautiful girl who named Sara.She came from Shanghai,China.I met her this semester.Sara said there are three members in her family.It means she is the only child of her family.But one thing she told me surprised me,that he
Pretty Active Girl (题名错了,形容词之上再形容词这种用法很不正式,去pretty 或者 active而且这个active 用的很泛滥,最好用extroverted之类的来细化,中文里很喜欢用模糊概念的词但是英文却不行.必须讲清楚细节.注意加冠词.)
Here is a beautiful girl who named Sara.She came from Shanghai,China.(英文原则:主动大于被动,少用代词作主语因为很不正式,所以改成Sara is a beautiful girl who came from Shanghai.China去掉,是人都知道,连英文字典里也有Shanghai这个词,而且最好是去beautiful,而详细写她到底多漂亮,比如her eyes are big and bright) I met her (in) this semester.
Sara said there are three members in her family.It means she is the only child of her family.(从逻辑上来说,这句话是错的,不可能因为家里有三人就推出她是独生女.因为在其他国家组合多的是,比如父亲去世了只有母亲,有两个孩子,还有别用多了There be 句,因为很滥,你会很少看见真正的英文文章用这种句型.所以改成Sara said her family had three members and she was the only child ) But one thing she told me surprised me,that her father is only child as well as her.(重复了,去掉she told me,改成but one thing surprised me that her father was the only child too) I thought in China,my peers’ parents almost have many brothers and sisters.(改成I thought the last generation always had the brothers or sisters.上一代叫last generation)
When I asked her what is (was) her favorite sport(这种称为临近原则,楼主你通篇都在在犯时态错误),she answered me that she is good at playing tennis(改成成” I am a good tennis player ” she said,或者” I specialize in tennis ” she said,不然通篇都在用一样的句型).I whispered to her that is she serious.She nodded her head seriously.(去掉算了,没意义,要改就改成对话”it is amazing,are you serious ” I asked.“Of course” she answered ) I couldn’t (could not 书面语中少用简写不正式)believe such a pretty girl can play tennis(改成 I could not believe that such a cute girl likes Sara could be a good tennis player,这句话逻辑有问题).Then she told me she has (had) played tennis for three years,and she has made many friends while playing tennis (改成she had made many friends during this period).Her eyes sparkled when she spoke of playing tennis.(写完整原因,因为外国人很笨,不写清楚会被当成变态,改成she is a fanatic of tennis.so when she told about the games,her eyes sparkled as stars 或者 when she referred to the games,her eyes sparkled as stars considering she is a zealot of tennis)
Sara likes to watch TV show,especially the variety show.“Because it is funny (改成humorous)" She laughed.She said (改成told me) there always be three or four of her friends sat in sofa with her watching the TV show.(逻辑不通,看不懂你想说啥,重新组织)
Sara is a positive and active(改成extroverted) girl.She always wants to know everything new,which made (改成drove) her to learn (many skills such as)playing tennis (ball).She is also the person who has a (改成the) sense of humors(改成humor).She likes to make fun and visit to many friends.(逻辑错误,中间不能用and,分开写) I am very glad to meet her and I wish I can be one of her friends not just only a partner.(一般只有GRE级别才去区分近意词,最好以后别乱用.而且partner很多时候做情人用,逻辑都错了,倒过来还差不多.这里还没发生所以得改成I wish I could be the one of her friends)
看来中文意思上组织得就有问题,先从中文改起比较好.说实话,楼主你得要加油.

高手不敢当，就是个pass over。
个人觉得一篇文章要写最好统一时态，尽量保证从头到尾的时态统一性。例如，首段的第一句为一般现在时，第二句则是过去时。而表明人从何处来通常用过去时是令人感到困惑的。
其他的地方反复修改通读一般都能自己修正，相信作者的能力。...

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高手不敢当，就是个pass over。
个人觉得一篇文章要写最好统一时态，尽量保证从头到尾的时态统一性。例如，首段的第一句为一般现在时，第二句则是过去时。而表明人从何处来通常用过去时是令人感到困惑的。
其他的地方反复修改通读一般都能自己修正，相信作者的能力。

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