请问有没有语法和结构错误呢?Due to I wanted to have a more charming shape,I have kept fit for a month when I just graduated from my high school.At the first week,I did some exercises through some facilities in the gym and that was memoria

请问有没有语法和结构错误呢?Due to I wanted to have a more charming shape,I have kept fit for a month when I just graduated from my high school.At the first week,I did some exercises through some facilities in the gym and that was memoria
请问有没有语法和结构错误呢?
Due to I wanted to have a more charming shape,I have kept fit for a month when I just graduated from my high school.At the first week,I did some exercises through some facilities in the gym and that was memorial.Neverthelss,I couldn't change ,so I wanted to refund.However,the women who worked at the reception refused my quest though I was so awkward.They estimated that I just didn't spended enough time to do the physical exercises and if I want to refund ,they could only refund me half of my money.
As a result,I accepted their opinions.I was back to the gym and used some proper tools which was suitable for me.I also stopped eating any refreshments so that I became more slim after a month.Because my oil was eliminated.

请问有没有语法和结构错误呢?Due to I wanted to have a more charming shape,I have kept fit for a month when I just graduated from my high school.At the first week,I did some exercises through some facilities in the gym and that was memoria
1.due to很别扭,because这种简单的就很好.
2.did exercise不要加s
3.不是through some facilities,可以改成with或者using
4.that was memorial不知道楼主你想表达什么意思,memorial一般指怀念死人
5.refund是别人还给你钱,用get my money back简单方便~
6.However和though不连用
7.They thought that i just did not spend enough money in their gym and if i want to get some money back.
8.as a result用at last更好一些...
9.opinion用solution更好,因为是这个问题的解决办法嘛
10.i was back改成i went back更好
11.tools还是用equipment更好,前面那个facilities也是一样
12.and used some proper equipment which were more suitable for me
13.refreshment是指那些别人提供的小点心之类的,吃了让你提神（比如航班晚点的时候给你吃的零食,送的饮料.或者长途飞机上给你送的小点心）此处用snack
14.slimmer不是 more slim
15.最后一句改为：because i reduce my fat intake.（减少了油脂摄入量）
另外如果露珠你是要打印出来或是寄email或者任何电子版的文档,每个标点后都是要空一格才能打下一个单词的哦!
希望对你有所帮助,不对的地方还请多指正.

直接 graduated from high school.不要加介词，不然有种中文直接翻译过来的chinglish的感觉
that was memorial,改成impressive。还有连词用太多了反而很累赘