改完再加100分这是题目Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sak

改完再加100分这是题目Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sak
改完再加100分
这是题目Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake,regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.
What,in your opinion,should be the main function of a university?
正文
It is still a controversial issue that whether universities should or not provide graduates sufficient working skills and knowledge which closely related with their future career.Of vital importance is,in my view,to analyze both of these arguments rationally.
To some extent,knowledge and skills needed in workplace should be considered in society.Universities should establish some institutions that connect students` performance with their further practices.Specifically,some groups could be set up in order to organize the students to participate the real social internship programs.Moreover,the pedagogical methodologies should be updated to guide graduates to have better understanding of them.For instance,the lessons “the ways to succeed” could be instructed by tutors under certain content.Lastly,both learning and practicing should be taken into account,which means,students` self-censorship and self-discipline are required.
It seems like reasonable to some extent,the main function and responsibility of the university is to instruct student’s knowledge.But it is by no means a well-being definition to university.Admittedly,university always play a pivotal role during education period,so as is why it need to shoulder more responsibility on how to expand students` horizon,more importantly,to remold students in order to adapt better for the future society.Thus,it is imperative to university to educate the students in multiple angles rather than do it in monotonous ways.
All in all,it can be rationally drawing the conclusion that universities should instruct graduates knowledge and skills for them to be prepared for highly competitive social circumstance.In that case,the higher employment pressure given rise by the crucial society will not exist so seriously any more.

改完再加100分这是题目Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sak
1should or not provide改为should provide or not 较为顺口,不信你念一下试试?
2 closely with 改成 bound up with ,这是因为closely with比较“适合”初中生用…………
4 which closely related with 作为定语从句,显然少了一个谓语is,如果不使用定语从句的话,直接把which去掉就ok
5 to some extent在同一篇文章里使用两次,显得不妥,考虑一下in some degree,或者in some sense怎么样?
6 should be considered in society换成should be considered in an overall social needs’ angle（以一种全面的社会需求的角度去思考）
7 performance with their further practices既然用了with,那么with前后的两个词,最好对等,所以要么performance加上s,要么practices去掉s
8 have better understanding of them.换成develop a better understanding of themselves.这个a是不能少的,那个them换成themselves比较好一点（纯属个人感觉）
9 the lessons “the ways to succeed”单复数不匹配,可以考虑这样改正those courses such as “the ways to succeed”,或者the course “the way to succeed”
10 students` self-censorship and self-discipline are required.看起来比较“干”,可以这样润色：students` self-censorship and self-discipline are tremendously indispensable.或者students` self-censorship and self-discipline are tremendously entailed!
类似的句子有：It is still a controversial issue ,可以这样改：It is still an exceedingly controversial issue
11 the main function and responsibility of the university is to instruct student’s knowledge. 中的main换成dominant（雅思是比较high level的,最好用一些显得很厉害的词,那些人人都会用的be good at ,very much ,expert 等等最好别用……） ,the换成an, instruct student’s knowledge（有点语法错误,看不懂）换成instruct the students to acquire volumes of knowledge in all fields as vast as possilbe,这样改的好处是与您下文提到的expand students` horizon正好呼应
12 university always play中的play加一个s
13adapt to是固定搭配,而不是adapt for ,所以adapt better for the future society改成 adapt themselves better to the increasingly competitive society in the future
14 it is imperative to university改成it is imperative for an university
15人人都会“All in all”,老师都快睡着了……倒不如换成altogether
16 it can be rationally drawing the conclusion that universities should instruct graduates knowledge这句话有三个地方可以改进,第一：语法有误,it can be rationally drawing the conclusion that universities should instruct graduates knowledge当中it是形式主语,can be 是谓语,be后面应该是形容词作为表语,而不是副词rationally,第二,rationally用了两次,显得你词汇量不够丰富,老师会犯晕的,换成advisable,第三instruct graduates knowledge用了两次,显得不够flexible,换一换吧：shepherd/direct the graduates to accumulate more knowledge essential to be superior when rivaling the others!

... which are closely related with their future career...
...in the society. ...student's` performance ...in order to organize students ...
it seems reaonable....thus it is...
all in one?....

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... which are closely related with their future career...
...in the society. ...student's` performance ...in order to organize students ...
it seems reaonable....thus it is...
all in one?... it can be rational...crucial society will not exist that serious any more
写得不错，改了点小错。。有问题再问

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还行，不错，评分：70

首先，从文章的结构上看，你已经完全掌握了雅思作文的精髓（估计参加过培训或者自己归纳过）
其次，语言层次也到达相当高的水平，很多地方到能见到倒装以强调语气！不错！
第三，用词方面我自愧不如， pedagogical methodologies 这两个词我都不会~~e~~~想必作者有相当好的英文功底。
以上三点可以保你拿到及格分数。
要高分，不可能！！！！
为什...

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首先，从文章的结构上看，你已经完全掌握了雅思作文的精髓（估计参加过培训或者自己归纳过）
其次，语言层次也到达相当高的水平，很多地方到能见到倒装以强调语气！不错！
第三，用词方面我自愧不如， pedagogical methodologies 这两个词我都不会~~e~~~想必作者有相当好的英文功底。
以上三点可以保你拿到及格分数。
要高分，不可能！！！！
为什么呢？
首先，你选取的角度不对，这种作文你以为做到两面俱到就绝对没错，那你就错了正如你所说的，那么controversial的问题怎么可能给你三言两语就分析透呢！！！纵观全文，你觉得你自己证明了什么东西吗？没有！！你只是围绕两种观点打了圈圈钩钩，没啥意思！作文要高分，一定要给人感觉你写了东西，而且用你独有的思维方式去论证了你自己的观点！千万不能笼统中庸啊！
其次，文章开头你说 It is still a controversial issue that.......这里it is 不是很好，这个表的是事实陈述，你可以考虑一下用it could be。 文章中用了很多should be，这个我认问是表达自己强烈观点的好词，可是当我看到你两个观点都有should be 的时候，我就觉得别扭，那你到底要人家走哪边呢？？
再次，你可能为了简练，就把For instance, the lessons “the ways to succeed” could be instructed by tutors under certain content. 老大，你有没有觉得这个例子很苍白无力？？？你要多看辩论赛的稿子。
第四，注意一些细节，如上面的“the lessons” “so as is why it need” 还有就是最后的“Lastly”难道就没了吗？？你可以改为“Last but not least”，再看一处“will not exist so ”你大可以改为“will not be so ”感觉一下其中的区别，你的文章会变得更自然流露。
最后，作者是个可造之材，你的基本功很扎实，现在需要的是组织一下自己的表达，和怎样才能有自己的观点！！犀利的观点！！
多看点辩论的稿子，真的对你有用！

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基本上是可以了