各位英语达人能不能帮我看看这篇自我介绍有没有语法问题,帮忙修改后提交.hello,everyone!Very glad to take part in the game.(My mother is happy all day for this matter)Let me introduce myself!My name's Win.I’m a student i

各位英语达人能不能帮我看看这篇自我介绍有没有语法问题,帮忙修改后提交.hello,everyone!Very glad to take part in the game.(My mother is happy all day for this matter)Let me introduce myself!My name's Win.I’m a student i
各位英语达人能不能帮我看看这篇自我介绍有没有语法问题,帮忙修改后提交.
hello,everyone!Very glad to take part in the game.(My mother is happy all day for this matter)Let me introduce myself!My name's Win.I’m a student in a very beautiful school called Guangming High School and I am in Grade 8.As you see,I'm a girl.And I'm 14.When i'm a student in Grade 6,I tried to enter this game.But i was eliminated.What a pity!Tody,i try my best again,i hope i can go further.emm..i love singing(although i may sing bad) i can play guitar.but i can't play very well.i'm very lively and optimistic.And i love to laugh.i hope you will support me!thanks a lot .
会显得过于笼统吗?

各位英语达人能不能帮我看看这篇自我介绍有没有语法问题,帮忙修改后提交.hello,everyone!Very glad to take part in the game.(My mother is happy all day for this matter)Let me introduce myself!My name's Win.I’m a student i
I'm very glad.,this matter中matter用的不恰当,应该是saying badly,play the guitar,play the 加乐器名,总体来说还可以但有点中式英语的味道

1. hello, everyone!
→ 如果这是个比较正式的比赛，那么建议用正式的问候语，如: Good evening/moring/afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!
2.Very glad to take part in the game. (My mother is happy all day for this matter)
1）...

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1. hello, everyone!
→ 如果这是个比较正式的比赛，那么建议用正式的问候语，如: Good evening/moring/afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!
2.Very glad to take part in the game. (My mother is happy all day for this matter)
1）game是指你所参加的比赛吧？那么可能用 competition会比较好点。。。。the改为this（因为句子里面并没有先行词，个人看法,仅供参考）。
→ I'm really glad that I have the chance to take part in this competition.
2) 后面说mother那句去掉，这句起不到搞气氛的作用就不需要用了，给人感觉很怪和思维有点乱。
3. Let me introduce myself.
个人觉得可以去掉了，你上去讲话就是要自我介绍，这句有点多余。当然，也可以要，不过前面加一个 Now，会自然点。
→ Now, let me introduce myself.
4.I’m a student in a very beautiful school called Guangming High School and I am in Grade 8.
→ 改为 I'm a Grade 8 student in Guangming High School.
5.As you see, I'm a girl. And I'm 14. When i'm a student in Grade 6,I tried to enter this game. But i was eliminated. What a pity! Tody, i try my best again, i hope i can go further. emm.
这一段，个人感觉可以去掉换别的话题。自我介绍时间短，所以必须言简意赅地抛出自己的闪亮点。而这一段话的闪亮点就是，你已经是第二次参赛。无形中，其实只能反映出你参赛经验比别人丰富，那评委心里可能对你的要求会暗暗地提高了。这段话可以换成是展现你的性格优点（如乐于助人或者喜欢团队合作等等），也可以是说说你喜欢的电影、书、名言、或者名人。但必须给出你喜欢的理由，而且这个理由是阳光的，积极向上的，如果这理由显得特别的话，很容易抓住听者的注意力。
6.i love singing(although i may sing bad) i can play guitar. but i can't play very well. i'm very lively and optimistic. And i love to laugh. i hope you will support me! thanks a lot .
自我介绍，个人觉得不宜减弱自己的优势。这里although i may sing bad和but i can't play very well 都可以去掉了 （虽然我知道你是好孩纸，谦逊和诚实,囧）。
改为→ Actually, being a high school student, sometimes I would be under pressure. Music is my good friend. In my spare time, I love singing and playing the guitar. Enjoying music is a nice way to say 'goodbye' to all the pressures and worries. It is said that smile girls are lucky. Hope this works on me because I love smiling all the time. Thank you.
自我介绍往往是参加比赛的第一步，第一印象非常重要，所以一定要有亮点才能让人一下记住你。Good luck = )

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1. 加入社团等组织用“take part in"，加入游戏活动用“join”。
2. “matter”用的不好，换一个表示活动或游戏的其他词。
3‘ 如你所见，我是一个女孩’中，加一个形容词：I'm a ( ) girl 更好些。
4. 好多I 应大写
5. play guitar 中少了the,乐器前加the，球类前不加the.<...

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1. 加入社团等组织用“take part in"，加入游戏活动用“join”。
2. “matter”用的不好，换一个表示活动或游戏的其他词。
3‘ 如你所见，我是一个女孩’中，加一个形容词：I'm a ( ) girl 更好些。
4. 好多I 应大写
5. play guitar 中少了the,乐器前加the，球类前不加the.
6. 倒数第二行"but i can't play very well."改为"But I can't play it very well"
7. 是不是加一句"Let me be your friend"更好一些。

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