好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊In the age of information and technology,mobile phone plays a vital role in our daily life.Some people prefer to use the mobile phone when they are at bus or plane.The reason is that they can directly communicate w

好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊In the age of information and technology,mobile phone plays a vital role in our daily life.Some people prefer to use the mobile phone when they are at bus or plane.The reason is that they can directly communicate w
好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊
In the age of information and technology,mobile phone plays a vital role in our daily life.Some people prefer to use the mobile phone when they are at bus or plane.The reason is that they can directly communicate with their families and friends.On the contrary,there are also the majority of people who argue this issue.From my own perspective,it can be easily provided that we cannot use mobile phone when we are traveling.
The most significant reason is that we may be dangerous.For example,we use mobile phone,when plane is flying.It is harmful for some electronic instruments.The result,flyer can not receive the sign from the ground.What's worse,without the sending sign from the ground,the plane can be an extremely high dangerous.Oppositely,if we prohibit using mobile phone in the plane,the whole travel is safer.
Additionally,in the public transportation is a public place.Hence,no one has right to do something which is an unfriendly to other people including using cell phone.Image that you are sleeping or want to quiet place,but there is a people who is talking loudly.You must feel unhappy and uncomfortable.You lost a chance to relax yourself form work and study.But if the place is quiet,you have an opportunity to enjoying your time and view the scenery outside the windows.The gorgeous atmosphere can bring to your work.
Although some people would like to use mobile phone in plane or bus,because they can immediately touch with people who want to communicate with,it is rather superficial to deem that we should use mobile phone in public transportation.
To conclusion,I do strongly support we shouldn’t use mobile phone in pane,bus and train.It is undeniable that using mobile phone in public transportation has its own merits:however we have complete evidence to suggest that prohibit using mobile phone in public transportation is always better that using mobile phone in public transportation.
能帮我精改吗?
有几分呢
题目是能不能用手机在bus plane train上 是托福独立写作的

好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊In the age of information and technology,mobile phone plays a vital role in our daily life.Some people prefer to use the mobile phone when they are at bus or plane.The reason is that they can directly communicate w
Some people prefer to use the mobile phone when they are at bus or plane.后面那句不要,这样才能和你后面on the contrary 对应.
The most significant reason is that 【using cells,especially on the plane】 is too dangerous.
For example,we use mobile phone,when plane is flying.这句看着别扭.连着后面几句改成下面imagine this,one uses cells when the plane is to land.often,the signals sent out by cells disturbs that from the ground station,pilot in this way can not get the correct instruction,the result of which may be some serious air crash.
Hence,no one has right to do something which is an unfriendly这词不妥impolitely to other people including using cell phone.Image that you are sleeping or want to quiet place,but there is a people who is talking loudly.前句是说公共场合,后句貌似就不是了.后面的内容也是同样的问题,建议修改此段内容.
开头及结尾貌似模板套出来的- -
好处说的不够透彻,也就是倒数第二段.好处如：urgent times,cells aim us a way to call for help.不过T貌似不要求那么逻辑.但这段从内容上来看确实空缺了不少.
总的来说,可能3-4分左右(5分满分),开头结尾还行,3段内容不太恰当,用词用句能力还需要提高~
加油!