帮忙检查一段文章,50分谢This is .I am writing to express my interest in the position of .with your company.After completing the master degree,I have worked in service industry in .for one year.In order to control the credit risk of clients a

帮忙检查一段文章,50分谢This is .I am writing to express my interest in the position of .with your company.After completing the master degree,I have worked in service industry in .for one year.In order to control the credit risk of clients a
帮忙检查一段文章,50分谢
This is .I am writing to express my interest in the position of .with your company.
After completing the master degree,I have worked in service industry in .for one year.In order to control the credit risk of clients and meet monthly target of settlement of overdue invoices,I shall follow closely with clients and maintain good and stable relationship with them.I am patient,flexible and have excellent communication ability as well as telephone skills to deal with different types of clients.I am a native Mandarin speaker with good command of Cantonese and English,so that I can handle clients of varied backgrounds in South China.
At this stage in my career,I am ready to make the leap to be a ..When seeing this job advertisement,I am excited and believe this is an opportunity for me to realize my prospective career.While at the same time I clearly realize that although I have customer service experience and preformed well on it,I still lack professional training in .,so as a beginner the appropriate position for me may be .,referring to your website.I am confident that as a motivated worker with 'can do' attitude,strong logical analysis and learning ability,I could be a qualified partner soon and fit easily into your company.
In addition,my legal background equipped me with solid knowledge in .industry.For instance,I am familiar with PRC Labor Law,which is deemed to be a necessary qualification for me to be a ..
Please refer to the resume attached to review my background.I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to discuss my qualifications and the possibility of joining your famous firm.I look forward to hearing from you to arrange an interview.Thanks!
Ps:please send me email instead if I miss your call during office hours.I will reply to you soon.Thank you!

帮忙检查一段文章,50分谢This is .I am writing to express my interest in the position of .with your company.After completing the master degree,I have worked in service industry in .for one year.In order to control the credit risk of clients a
文章的表达方式漏洞很大,我在原文里
改了很多细小的地方,你仔细核对一下吧
Dear...,
This is .I am writing to express my interest for the position of .with your company.
After completing the master degree,I have worked in service industry in .for one year.In order to control the credit risk of clients and meet monthly target of settlement of overdue invoices,I shall follow closely with clients and maintain suitable and stable relationship with them.I am patient,flexible and have excellent communication abilities as well as telephone skills which can deal with different types of clients.I am a native Mandarin speaker with good capabilities of Cantonese and English,so that I can handle clients of varied backgrounds in South China.
At this stage in my career,I am ready to make the leap to be a ..When reading this job advertisement,I am excited and believe this is an opportunity for me to realize my prospective career.While at the same time I clearly realize that although I have customer service experience and preformed well on it,I am still lack of professional training in .,so as a beginner,the appropriate position for me may be .,referring to your website.I am confident that as a motivated worker with an attitude of 'can do' ,strong logical analysis and learning ability,I could be a qualified partner soon and fit your companyeasily.
In addition,my legal background equipped me with solid knowledge in .industry.For instance,I am familiar with PRC Labor Law,which is deemed to be a necessary qualification for me to be a ..
Please refer to the resume attached to review my background.I would appreciate the opportunity to meet with you to discuss my qualifications and the possibility of joining your famous firm.I look forward to hearing from you to arrange an interview.Thanks!
Ps:please send me email instead if I miss your call during office hours.I will reply to you soon.Thank you!

i am looking forward to have an interview.
i will reply to you as soon as possible.(ASAP).好些.
你没什么语法的大问题,你的英语水平是肯定过了六级的.
有点中文的思维句子模式在内,不过没啥关系
还整体就是太罗嗦了~~要言简意赅,中心句,突出重点!

你看一看翻译就知道哪里不行了！
这个是。。。我正向快车和你的公司写作我的在。。。的位置的权益.在完成主人度之后,一年我已经用在。。。for中服务业工作.为了控制客户的信誉风险,和达到每月一次过期货物清单的解决的目标我将去紧密跟着有的客户和养活好和可靠关系有的他们.我是忍受,有弹性和把非常好的通讯以及电话的才能作为技能处理不同的类型的客户.我和好指挥的广州人和英语是一个故土官僚的演讲人,因此...

全部展开

你看一看翻译就知道哪里不行了！
这个是。。。我正向快车和你的公司写作我的在。。。的位置的权益.在完成主人度之后,一年我已经用在。。。for中服务业工作.为了控制客户的信誉风险,和达到每月一次过期货物清单的解决的目标我将去紧密跟着有的客户和养活好和可靠关系有的他们.我是忍受,有弹性和把非常好的通讯以及电话的才能作为技能处理不同的类型的客户.我和好指挥的广州人和英语是一个故土官僚的演讲人,因此我能对待在华南中国多样化背景的客户.在这在我的职业中舞台,我是准备好使跳向是成为一。。。.当明白这个工作广告的时候,我是兴奋和相信这个是一我的机会意识到我的未来职业.在同时,我清楚实现虽然我有客户服务经验和预先形成顺利右手击球员的左后方场地它,我仍然缺乏在。。。中职业训练,所以作为一个新手为我适合位置可以是。。。的的同时,请参阅你的网站.我是对当一有动机的工人用'能做'姿态,强烈逻辑分析和学习才能时,我能不久是一个合格伙伴和进入你的公司容易适合有信心.此外,我的法律上背景以在。。。industry中坚实的知识装备我.例如,我是熟悉中华人民共和国劳动法,被认为是一为自我向是 a。。。必然资格证书的.请请参阅系提要复习我的背景.我将欣赏遇到你讨论加入你的出名公司的我的资格和可能性的机会.我盼望听到来自你的消息安排一会晤.感谢! Ps:请如果在办公时间几小时我错过你的呼叫,反而发送自我电子邮件.我将不久回答你.谢谢您!

收起

第二段第5行的deal with用得不是很好吧？还有 i can handle clients of varied backgrounds 用people from all walks of life可能好一点。