帮我改改雅思作文- -Some people think economic development is the only way to measure the success of a government while others think there are other ways such as national security,art programs or sports facilities.Discuss both view and give yo

帮我改改雅思作文- -Some people think economic development is the only way to measure the success of a government while others think there are other ways such as national security,art programs or sports facilities.Discuss both view and give yo
帮我改改雅思作文- -
Some people think economic development is the only way to measure the success of a government while others think there are other ways such as national security,art programs or sports facilities.Discuss both view and give your own opinion.
我的作文：
In the contemporary society,in term of the successful government,people hold different views.Some individuals argue that the level of economic development is more significant than others,including those associated with public security and facilities,while others believe the opposite viewpoint.Before presenting my view,I intend to explore both sides of the argument.
Many support that a success government can be contributed to the development of government.Obviously,a recessional national economic would bring about lesser employment and investment opportunities; therefore the local people would find they have to live a stressful and depression lifestyle.However,the government responsibility is to afford their people a stable and safety life and the sufficient amount of money could enable citizen to achieve some finance security.
On the other hand,some people believe national security,education,or community facilities are the judgments to a success government.There is no doubt that all these factors are on an almost daily basis and could ,to some extent,determined the level of people’s happiness.To be more precisely,to promote public awareness of sports,the proliferation of sports facilities would be necessary,while to improve national reputation and status the government needs to constantly enhance the fields of art,technology or science.
Personally,I think that both aspects are mutually exclusive for the issue of a success government.Without the stable development of economy,their people would suffer from serve finance trouble and without funding for other fields,people would live a more monotonous and unmotivating lives.
Overall,the government’s responsibility is based on the fact that provide their people a stable and pleasure lifestyle.Therefore,the balance between economic and other fields development are most significant issue for government to study.
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语言好的帮我看看词啊什么有没有能换好点的
要是懒得改帮我看看论据写的对不对- -我觉得有点牵强 呵呵呵
那个我这个能拿多少分啊。6分我就知足了- -
托都死开。服了

帮我改改雅思作文- -Some people think economic development is the only way to measure the success of a government while others think there are other ways such as national security,art programs or sports facilities.Discuss both view and give yo
写的很好,小小的建议就是倒数第二段的
I think换成I support/claim/hold/argue
还有后面的people换成citizens
我建议楼主自己的观点还是有偏向性比较好,中立态度不好掌握,很容易给阅卷老师一个错觉,观点不明
六分有了

要改作文现在很方便嘛，楼上介绍的批改卡就很实用，给你点专业的指点对你提高很有帮助的。

我看就5分的样子吧！逻辑不够好，也不算很流畅！我不好怎么多的评价，怕你失望！不过还是要加油。