雅思作文求批改 尤其是开头和结尾 谢啦~减少global 环境政府or 个人? The staggering advancement of our technology is accompanied by severe pollution of our environment. It is hart to say who shoule be responsible for this. In

雅思作文求批改 尤其是开头和结尾 谢啦~减少global 环境政府or 个人? The staggering advancement of our technology is accompanied by severe pollution of our environment. It is hart to say who shoule be responsible for this. In
雅思作文求批改 尤其是开头和结尾 谢啦~
减少global 环境政府or 个人?


The staggering advancement of our technology is accompanied by severe pollution of our environment. It is hart to say who shoule be responsible for this. In fact, the government and individuals all have the obligation to improve our environment.
There are more things than one that the government can do. To start with, the government should give priorities to the education of the citizens in order to araise a collective consciousness. What is meant by this is that, each individual must be aware of the impact he or she has on the environment. In this way, individuals will surely not endeavor to harm the environment. By contrast, he will try every means to protect the environment. Furthermore, the government may help to improve our environment by developing environmental-friendly fuels. If the government allocate money to exploring clean fuels , there will be less toxic gas in the air. Apart from those, factories should be controlled by the government in the discharge of the waste water. Pouring polluted water into rivers should be condemned rather than condoned.
The behavior of individuals plays a significant role in environment protecting as well. since the pollution arise from the abusive behavior of all individuals. Firstly, citizens may change our environment by leading a simple life. Instead of driving to work, individuals should walk more or take public transport. In this wany, the car emission can be reduced. Moreover, we can protect our environment in our daily life. For instance, taking eco-friendly reusable shopping bags with us when we go shopping is a good way to decrease the amount of the non-biodegradable garbage.
In conclusion, the protection of the environment requires the joint effort of both government and the citizens.

雅思作文求批改 尤其是开头和结尾 谢啦~减少global 环境政府or 个人? The staggering advancement of our technology is accompanied by severe pollution of our environment. It is hart to say who shoule be responsible for this. In
有几个连接词用得不对吧,拼写也有错误.
“individuals will surely not endeavor to harm the environment.By contrast,he will try every means to protect the environment.”
The behavior of individuals plays a significant role in environment protecting as well.
.还有你的句子好碎,有的完全可以复合在一起的.
不过语言准确性还算不错,逻辑也算得上清晰.应该是7分左右的文章吧.

开头和结尾都还可以 比较简练