英语（请大家帮我看看是否有语病）Hello,everyone!My name is Longjie.I’m 13 years old.I’m in Class10,Grade7.I live in Nanjing.I like Nanjing very much.I’m not very tall,but I like playing basketball.I have short black hair.I love s

英语（请大家帮我看看是否有语病）Hello,everyone!My name is Longjie.I’m 13 years old.I’m in Class10,Grade7.I live in Nanjing.I like Nanjing very much.I’m not very tall,but I like playing basketball.I have short black hair.I love s
英语（请大家帮我看看是否有语病）
Hello,everyone!My name is Longjie.I’m 13 years old.I’m in Class10,Grade7.I live in Nanjing.I like Nanjing very much.I’m not very tall,but I like playing basketball.I have short black hair.I love surfing the Internet.I often surfing the Internet at the weekend.I want to be a teacher.If I realIy became a teacher.I will try my best to teach the students new knowledge.This is my dream.
Hello,everyone!My name is Longjie.I’m 13 years old.I’m in Class10,Grade7.I live in Nanjing.I like Nanjing very much.I’m not very tall,but I like playing basketball.I have short black hair.I love surfing the Internet.I often surf the Internet at the weekend.I want to be a teacher.If I realIy become a teacher,I will try my best to teach the students the new knowledge.This is my dream.

英语（请大家帮我看看是否有语病）Hello,everyone!My name is Longjie.I’m 13 years old.I’m in Class10,Grade7.I live in Nanjing.I like Nanjing very much.I’m not very tall,but I like playing basketball.I have short black hair.I love s
If I realIy became a teacher.I will try my best to teach the students new knowledge.
这句话总觉得有点儿毛病,If条件状语从句,动词一定要用原型,应该用become.really加不加都行,还是去掉吧,加上语感不顺.还有就是一楼二楼说的,其实最好还是把两句话变换位置,舒服些.语病应该是没了,但短文有点儿上下连接不顺,自己再稍微改一下好了

If I realIy became a teacher.I will try my best ...
句号改逗号，if引导的是个条件状语从句，不能单独成句

I often surfing the Internet 改成I often surf the Internet
If I realIy became a teacher改成If I realIy become a teacher
to teach the students new knowledge. 改成to teach students the new knowledge.
第二篇没有错误了 可以交作业了

第二篇别的没有问题，但是这句话是错的I often surf the Internet at the weekend。这里的weekend是错的，应该改为weekends，因为weekends是指周末，有星期六和星期天组成，所以用复数。