求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been s求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been studying violin performance for 14 years and reached level 10 when i was 16 y

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求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i''vebeens求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i''vebeenstudyingviolinperformancefor14y

求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been s求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been studying violin performance for 14 years and reached level 10 when i was 16 y
求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been s
求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been studying violin performance for 14 years and reached level 10 when i was 16 years old.i graduated from a comprehensive senior high school.concerts were held at the end of every semester.my classmates and i would rehearse string quarter regularly.now i am a sophomore.in the recent two yeas,i willingly involve myself in school orchestra.on the last summer vacation,i joined a small commercial orchestra named Oriental Holiday.but i found that on the travelling for shows took lots of time so i choosed to quit at the begining of the newsemester.in addition to playing violin,reading novels,singing and travelling also entertain me greatly.

求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been s求英语大神帮我看看这篇个人简介有什么可以更改的地方.i've been studying violin performance for 14 years and reached level 10 when i was 16 y

通篇的i 要把它大写“I”

去掉voilin后面的performance, 本身提琴就是演奏艺术

concerts were held at the end of every semester. 换成主动语态好点,可以体现出音乐会是大家主动积极去举办的.

i willingly involve myself.改为“I am willing to involve...”

... that on the travelling for shows took lots of time .改为“shows took lots of time on the travelling.”