小弟马上要考雅思,由于第一次,没经验,希望高手能帮批改一下作文.Some people think all students should learn a foreign.Others believe that students should not learn a foreign language if she or he does not have the talent for i

小弟马上要考雅思,由于第一次,没经验,希望高手能帮批改一下作文.Some people think all students should learn a foreign.Others believe that students should not learn a foreign language if she or he does not have the talent for i
小弟马上要考雅思,由于第一次,没经验,希望高手能帮批改一下作文.
Some people think all students should learn a foreign.Others believe that students should not learn a foreign language if she or he does not have the talent for it.Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.
In China,nearly every school have the English courses range from primary school to college,even some kindergarden.Children are forced to learn English at the very earl age,and in some metropolis,kids are asked to study some other foreign languages such as Franch or Japanese etc.It is common that every students should know another foreign language which is good for their future,but there are still some opposite voices that believe whather to learn a foreign language depends on your talent,we shouldn't force someone without talent for foreign language to study something which is a waste of time.
For the supporters who think foreign language is important believe that it will provide students with a better career development if they are able to use a foreign language especially for college students,there are tons of thousands of gruadutes facing the employment pressure,a foreign language is a strong weapon to help them grasp more oppotunities.And learning a froeign makes it easier for us to communicate with foreigners.As the rapid development of our society and the promotion of the standard of our life,more and more people choose go aboard to enrich their experience and expend our horizen,or just chat online.Understanding a foreign helps us communicate with foreigners and understand foreign culture better.
For the people disagree with that support forcing students without talent to learn a foreign language is money-consuming and takes time.Talent is the basic element to learn something,it's hard for someone without talent to do well in the aspect which he/she isn't good at,especially when they are forced.This will only the wasted effort.It is likely that they will make more achievement in the areas which thet are good at rather than the one they lack of talent.
As for me,i think we should make decision by ourselves.Maybe when we are young,we can't desiced,and we will be forced to learn a foreign,but after we know about ourselves clearly,we should choose our way to whether keep on.Just keep in mind,choose the one that you are sure is real good for yourself.
希望能给出具体能得几分,能给一些建议当然更好,希望能回复快点,

小弟马上要考雅思,由于第一次,没经验,希望高手能帮批改一下作文.Some people think all students should learn a foreign.Others believe that students should not learn a foreign language if she or he does not have the talent for i
我水平也不高,不能说批改,但我觉得你这个文章跟曾经我老师给我批过的差不多,我估计6分可以了,我肯定不能把问题全说出来,就说我看出来的吧.
第一,最关键的一点,雅思作文绝对不能写缩写,比如你写的etc shouldn't can't isn't 太多了 一定要改
第二,文章头重脚轻,自己的观点表达的不清晰,第一段可以不用那么多篇幅写孩子被迫学外语的现象,用一两句话或者一个大长句说一下就可以了,而结尾段自己的观点属于模棱两可型的,这样不好,你的观点一定要清晰,可以有让步,但坚持哪一方就是哪一方,不能说孩子小的时候要强迫学外语,长大了再自己选择.我建议这篇文章,就说让孩子凭着自己的兴趣去学.(这部分是学生的个人建议,)
第三,文章的部分词汇可以换成同义,但高级一点的,比如more and more,可以换a increasing number of,think可以换maintain之类
第四,文章最后一句,最好不要以劝说,感叹类的句子作为结尾,雅思文章议论文形式,一定要客观,不带感情色彩.
楼主你的文采非常好,复句应用也很熟练,完全可以达到7分水平,加油!祝你考试取得高分