谁能帮我批改一下我的雅思作文啊?我雅思写作垃圾,我看的是慎小嶷的10天写作Many people work at home using modern technology .Some people think only the workers benefit from this ,not the employers.Do you agree or disagree?

谁能帮我批改一下我的雅思作文啊?我雅思写作垃圾,我看的是慎小嶷的10天写作Many people work at home using modern technology .Some people think only the workers benefit from this ,not the employers.Do you agree or disagree?
谁能帮我批改一下我的雅思作文啊?
我雅思写作垃圾,我看的是慎小嶷的10天写作
Many people work at home using modern technology .Some people think only the workers benefit from this ,not the employers.Do you agree or disagree?
In this day and age ,there has been much dispute over whether only the employees can prohit from the modern technology ,not the bosses.In this essay I will analyse this hot-button topic.
There is no surprising the high-tect is very crucial for workers at present.Techtnology enable workers to be less time-consuming and more economical.As a consequence ,people can work at home ,who will not suffer from the traffic jam and the crowds.Also,it offers an easy surroundings,they are not confronted with the boss's grave face any more; hence,it tends to be more efficiency and it can relax their mind,emotion and bodies.Obviously,the confortable environment may fulfill workers' potiential,which will generate more beneficial results.Working at home ,it is an eco-friendly style.For instance ,individuals may give up using the private automobiles,which always produces a vast amount of toxic gas and aggravate the ecosystem.
On the other hand,with the proliferation of using modern science ,the employers also experiences the advantages of new technology.Almost the employers are so busy that they cannot have enough time to handle other things .But the situation has been changed by new science,which can help them share the stress and tasks.For example,the smartphones can edit the documents and then transer it to the office.Secondly,a telling example is that ,to use the technology will be more economical for them.It will not rent the office any longer.In contrast,the employers used to spend a lot of money for the rent and utilities.
Based on the argument offered above.The workers not only benifit from the modern science ,but also the employers can reduce a lot of cost.So I think the authorties should allocate more funds to the new science,which can help us enhance standard of living.

谁能帮我批改一下我的雅思作文啊?我雅思写作垃圾,我看的是慎小嶷的10天写作Many people work at home using modern technology .Some people think only the workers benefit from this ,not the employers.Do you agree or disagree?
The workers not only benifit from the modern science ,but also the employers can reduce a lot of cost这句话典型的错误~~
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