一个雅思作文段落,要求写一段,希望老师学长们能够指出错误,回答是可写明发信者,方便给积分!主题句是：People have more free time than people who lived 50 years ago.Human can spend much time to enjoy life.段落

一个雅思作文段落,要求写一段,希望老师学长们能够指出错误,回答是可写明发信者,方便给积分!主题句是：People have more free time than people who lived 50 years ago.Human can spend much time to enjoy life.段落
一个雅思作文段落,要求写一段,希望老师学长们能够指出错误,
回答是可写明发信者,方便给积分!
主题句是：People have more free time than people who lived 50 years ago.Human can spend much time to enjoy life.
段落：
People have more free time than people who lived 50 years ago.Human can spend much time to enjoy life.For example,technology’s development enhances productivity,because some robots can replace the human works and then enable produces automated.However people who lived 50 years ago can not own this work experiences.Another,the proliferation of the internet that boost frequency of communicate.Nowadays most people have mobile phones,which enable people communicate anytime and anywhere.Similarly,efficiency of transport is augmented.Flying to American only costs your approximately 12 hours,which is quicker than 50 years ago.Anyway,technology increases your spare time.

一个雅思作文段落,要求写一段,希望老师学长们能够指出错误,回答是可写明发信者,方便给积分!主题句是：People have more free time than people who lived 50 years ago.Human can spend much time to enjoy life.段落
In this day and age, individuals have more spare time than they did 50 years ago, which allow them to enjoy their life. For instance, the technology development does promote the producitivity when a variety of robots have replaced workers to carry out some repetitive work, which was impossible 50 years ago. Another significant factor is that the proliferation of the internet has boost the communication between different continents. Similarly, mobile phones have also made a remarked contribution to the increasingly convenient communication. Last but not least, the efficiency of transport is augmented(?).A flight over the Pacific Ocean only costs approximately 12 hours——much quicker than that half decade ago.
All in all, technology saves us more time.
这个纯粹是当做自己练习了,lz你的长句不多啊,虽然说通篇长句是大忌,但是没有也是万万不可的,有些地方的用法有点奇怪,我就照着我的理解写了
邮箱就不发了,建议多去去无忧,寄托,太傻这些网站,资料和经验也比较全,作文书的话“十天突破雅思写作”就够用了,虽然是大路货但是有它的价值
我作文水平也不怎么样,路过的tx请尽量修改~
augmented 我以前见过它,但是忘了怎么用了,lz有把握的话就这么用吧……水平有限 = =