英语作文!我自己写的!求拍砖!求润色+修改...Our office holding an external training in XX international hotel today. Colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou get together in Shanghai. At the begging, the host introduce our company. I feel

英语作文!我自己写的!求拍砖!求润色+修改...Our office holding an external training in XX international hotel today. Colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou get together in Shanghai. At the begging, the host introduce our company. I feel
英语作文!我自己写的!求拍砖!求润色+修改...
Our office holding an external training in XX international hotel today. Colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou get together in Shanghai. At the begging, the host introduce our company. I feel proud of my company, a big warm home with several subsidiaries in it. We separated into 8 groups, sitting around a desk with teem members and sharing with each other, work method and ideas. Then, every group has a case to be solved cooperated. It is really an amazing experience for me to get a deep recognition about our company, meanwhile, nice to meet a lot of friends and try our best to achieve a same goal.

英语作文!我自己写的!求拍砖!求润色+修改...Our office holding an external training in XX international hotel today. Colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou get together in Shanghai. At the begging, the host introduce our company. I feel
Our office held an training in XX International Hotel in Shanghai today.Colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou were also participated in this event.The training began with an introduction about our company,a large company with several subsidiaries.The host's introduction aroused my pride deeply rooted my in my heart.And I cannot help recalling the warm and moving moment in such a homelike company.Then,all the members present including me were separated into 8 groups.We are asked to sit around a desk with our team members and share working methods and ideas with each other.After the communication,we were required to solve a case together,which was really an amazing experience for me to have a better understanding about the culture of our company. I realized that as a member of a group,we should always try our best to achieve our common goal though (teamwork) cooperation.Meanwhile,I feel really glad to have this rare chance to make friends.


第二句看完感觉上海的员工木有参加..所以调整了一下.

began with 感觉更顺一点,不是说原句有错.

i feel proud 是文章里面最大的bug,感觉有点偏离主题了.您在讲一个会议过程,然后忽然说到自己的感觉,很突兀,然后home with several subsidiaries in it,这个with 用法没错,但是感觉非常怪异,感觉像一个善良的女孩肩膀上扛了桶装水一样..例子可能不太恰当,我改的可能也不是特别好,但是我觉得起码在逻辑上会顺一些.

后面的我基本依据原文没有做太大修改,只是加了一些then,after...来增加文章层次感,使文章有条理一些.
 写得好辛苦,o(∩_∩)o...欢迎大家继续修改!

Today,our office hold an external training in XX international hotel .And, colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou get together in Shanghai. At the beginning, the host introduce our company which makes ...

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Today,our office hold an external training in XX international hotel .And, colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou get together in Shanghai. At the beginning, the host introduce our company which makes me proud of my firm, a big warm home with several subsidiaries. We were separated into 8 groups, sitting around a desk with team members and sharing work method and ideas with each other . Then, every group has a case to be solved cooperatedly,which is really an amazing experience for me to get a deep recognition about our company, meanwhile,it's nice to meet a lot of friends and try our best to achieve a same goal.
小改了一下，见笑了。还有你的第二句写得有点问题。来自北京和广州的同事齐聚上海干什么？没有交代。。。

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Our office held an training in XX International Hotel today. Colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou got together in Shanghai. At the beginning, the host introduced our company. I'm very proud of my com...

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Our office held an training in XX International Hotel today. Colleagues from Beijing and Guangzhou got together in Shanghai. At the beginning, the host introduced our company. I'm very proud of my company, a big warm home with several subsidiaries. We were separated into 8 groups, sitting around a desk with team members and sharing work method and ideas with each other. Then, each group had a case to be solved together. It was really an amazing experience for me to know more about our company. Meanwhile, it is a great opportunity to make friends and try our best to achieve the same goal.

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