赶快!~~~~赶快!~~~救命~~~~~!英语开心一刻!5个以上!~~~

赶快!~~~~赶快!~~~救命~~~~~!英语开心一刻!5个以上!~~~
赶快!~~~~赶快!~~~救命~~~~~!英语开心一刻!5个以上!~~~

赶快!~~~~赶快!~~~救命~~~~~!英语开心一刻!5个以上!~~~
1.Who discovered America 谁发现了美洲
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : PAPPU!
老师：帕普,去地图前找到北美洲.
帕普：在这儿!
老师：正确.现在,大家告诉我,谁发现了美洲?
课堂：帕普!
2.Blind Date相亲
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
和相亲对象呆了一晚上后,男人再也受不了了.他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话,这样他就能借故先离开了.当他回到桌边,他垂下眼睛,装出一副阴沉的表情,说：“有个不幸的消息,我的祖父刚刚去世了.”“谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说,“如果你的祖父不死,我的祖父就得死了!”
3.A POOR MAN!
"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady, "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."
"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."
"啊,可怜的人,"善良的老妇人惊叹道."脚瘸就够惨的了,要是眼瞎就更糟了."
"你说的一点儿没错,"那乞丐说.他显然是乞讨老手."我眼瞎的时候,人们老是给我外币."
4. A Second and A Million Dollars 一秒种与一百万
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second".
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5.MOSES & JESUS 摩西和耶稣
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it.Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses?" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".
一个窃贼潜入一户人家.他看到一个喜欢的CD机,他赶紧拿了.就在这个时候他听到有人说：“耶稣正在看着你.”他照着手电看来看去,嘀咕着：“到底是什么人在说话?”这时,他看到桌子上有些钱,他又拿了.那声音又来了：“耶稣正在看着你.”他躲到一个角落,想找出是谁在说话.结果看到一只鹦鹉,于是他问鹦鹉：“是你在说话吗?”鹦鹉承认了. 小贼说：“你叫什么名字?”“摩西”.小贼说：“什么人给鸟取这种名字?”鹦鹉回答：“就是那个给他的罗威那犬取名为‘耶稣’的那个人啊.”
6.Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧?
7.
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的.你说呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉.虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了.
He is really somebody （他真是一个大人物 ）
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人.
-- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人.
还有好多就不一一列出,你可以到http://www.maplesky.net/data/2006/0527/article_2996.htm看看