帮我看看这篇短文写得正确吗 My class have a talk about today.Our topic is to what’s happiness.Bob thinks that studying hard is happiness.Lucy doesn’t agree with him,she says that our parents take care of our life and health is happine

帮我看看这篇短文写得正确吗 My class have a talk about today.Our topic is to what’s happiness.Bob thinks that studying hard is happiness.Lucy doesn’t agree with him,she says that our parents take care of our life and health is happine
帮我看看这篇短文写得正确吗
My class have a talk about today.Our topic is to what’s happiness.
Bob thinks that studying hard is happiness.Lucy doesn’t agree with him,she says that our parents take care of our life and health is happiness.Because our parents always give us much love and help.Bella also tells me something about happiness.If she do something wrong,there will be persons help her to correct it,then she will feel happy.She thinks it is happiness.I agree with them,while I have another thought.If I have done something successed,my friends will say congratulations to me at last.That’s happiness.
主要是有没有语法错误?
我觉得最后几句可能有问题,大家看看怎么改.

帮我看看这篇短文写得正确吗 My class have a talk about today.Our topic is to what’s happiness.Bob thinks that studying hard is happiness.Lucy doesn’t agree with him,she says that our parents take care of our life and health is happine
语法错误还是不少的
My class have a talk today.(1,这里的talk指开了1次会议,不是词组have a talk about sth.谈论.所以介词about多余)
Our topic is what’s happiness.（不要to）
Bob thinks that studying hard is happiness.
Lucy doesn’t agree with him,and she says that our parents taking care of us and ensuring our health is happiness,because our parents always give us much love and help.
Bella also tells me something about happiness.
If she did something wrong,there would be persons help her correct it,and then she would feel happy.(if的虚拟语气,你自己复习下.没有把握的时候建议你还是用when的句型吧,help sb.do sth.比较常用)
She thinks that is happiness.（it也对,但这里指代前文,that好些）
I agree with them,while I have another thought.
If I successeded,my friends would say congratulations to me at last.(虚拟语气呀虚拟语气,好好看看虚拟语气吧,其实你可以写成My friends would say congratulations to me at last when I succeeed.)

My class have a talk about today不仅有语病而且很中式，应该改成There‘s a talk in my class today.
there will be persons help her to correct it这句help前要加who构成从句，否则就有语病
She thinks it is happiness虽然语法没问题，但不地道，改成Sh...

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My class have a talk about today不仅有语病而且很中式，应该改成There‘s a talk in my class today.
there will be persons help her to correct it这句help前要加who构成从句，否则就有语病
She thinks it is happiness虽然语法没问题，但不地道，改成She considers it as happyniess
If I have done something successed这句successed改成successfully
my friends will say congratulations to me at last.这句的say congratulations to 直接改成congratulat to
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