请英语高手帮忙看看作文 帮我找找语法错误I will receive a Bachelor’s Degree of medicine after I graduate from my college this summer.On the one hand,although I have studied my major for 5 years.But I know,my knowledge is limited,an

请英语高手帮忙看看作文 帮我找找语法错误I will receive a Bachelor’s Degree of medicine after I graduate from my college this summer.On the one hand,although I have studied my major for 5 years.But I know,my knowledge is limited,an
请英语高手帮忙看看作文 帮我找找语法错误
I will receive a Bachelor’s Degree of medicine after I graduate from my college this summer.On the one hand,although I have studied my major for 5 years.But I know,my knowledge is limited,and I have a long way to go on my major.On the other hand,my friend who graduated from your university recommended it to me.SO I think if I could have a chance to study at your school and finally obtain a Master’s Degree of Medicine,I would be very lucky!
Could you please tell me something about your university such as the fee I should pay and how about the accommodation and their qualifications .Would you please send me an application form and other materials necessary for my applications so that I could begin the application procedure .

请英语高手帮忙看看作文 帮我找找语法错误I will receive a Bachelor’s Degree of medicine after I graduate from my college this summer.On the one hand,although I have studied my major for 5 years.But I know,my knowledge is limited,an
although I have studied my major for 5 years.But I know,my knowledge is limited,and I have a long way to go on my major.
标准中国式英语.although和but不能一起用的!去掉其中一个
On the one hand...On the other hand不能乱用的
一般表示两个相反的意思,突出内容的对比性,相当于but.
recommend也不是这样用的.
要么recommend that...跟从句,
要么recommend sth.
要么recommend sb.to do..
recommend sth to sb是指把某物托付给某人,你的朋友把这所大学托付给你了?
应改成：
I have studied my major for 5 years.But I know my knowledge is limited,and I have a long way to go on my major.Besides,my friend who graduated from your university recommended me to enter your university for a further study.
SO I think if I could have a chance to study at your school and finally obtain a Master’s Degree of Medicine,I would be very lucky!
首先,不要用school,那是给人家降档次.
其次,So I think很累赘."I think..."这种句型只有在别人让你表达看法,或者当你成为了某一方面的权威,发表权威性看法的时候才能用.不知道为什么中国学生都喜欢用这两个词.
最后,句型应该倒装,把lucky放到前面去.
应改成：It would be very lucky if I could have a chance to study at your university and obtain a Master's Degree of Medicine.
Could you please tell me something about your university such as the fee I should pay and how about the accommodation and their qualifications.
学费有专有的一个词：tuition,不要用fee.
还有我不知道你的qualifications是指什么?指入住宿舍的资格条件吗?如果不是的话就把qualifications放到第一个来讲,毕竟这是最重要的.
Would you please give me some information about the qualification for your university,the tuition as well as the accommodation condition.