面试英语自我介绍求改.全文如下：Hello everyone,my name is XXX.This is really a great honor to have this opportunity,and I believe I can make good performance today.Now I will introduce myself briefly.I am 18 years old and I am a senior

面试英语自我介绍求改.全文如下：Hello everyone,my name is XXX.This is really a great honor to have this opportunity,and I believe I can make good performance today.Now I will introduce myself briefly.I am 18 years old and I am a senior
面试英语自我介绍求改.
全文如下：
Hello everyone,my name is XXX.This is really a great honor to have this opportunity,and I believe I can make good performance today.Now I will introduce myself briefly.I am 18 years old and I am a senior student at XX No.X high school.
I'm keen on computer games,and my love for that dates back to my childhood.Having realized that most of games are just for entertainment,I dream of a game which can be called the ninth art.In order to realize it,I studyed programming in senior school,and got the first prize in NOIP2008.I know,it required a wealth of knowledge,So I studied hard and read many books.I believe,through my continuous hard work,my dream will came true.
That's all.Thank you for giving me the chance.
1 指出立意、叙述上的失误（比如内容上有所欠缺）
2 指出词句上的失当（比如句式重复,缺乏文采等）
3 指出语法上的错误
等等……
只要是有什么意见就都说出来吧……

面试英语自我介绍求改.全文如下：Hello everyone,my name is XXX.This is really a great honor to have this opportunity,and I believe I can make good performance today.Now I will introduce myself briefly.I am 18 years old and I am a senior
面试英文一定要条理清晰,目的性强,开门见山,礼貌得体.
Good morning/Good afternoon,Sir and (or) Madam.
Thank you for giving me such a great opportunity to introduce myself to you.My name is XXX,and I am 18 years old.Now I am a senior student at XX No.X High School.(是否可以这样讲,会好一点：I am going to graduate from XX No.X High School in a couple of months?)
（你想干嘛,要开门见山）I am very interested in the position (or XX chance) provided by your company and I believe my personality and qualifications pretty match the requirements.
(你为什么适合这个位置或机会,要一点一点讲,每一点的第一句要先总括一下,让面试官先有个印象）First of all,I am a self-motivated person,and enjoy working in computer world.I love computer games and such kind of passion could be traced back even from my childhood.However,having realized that most of games are just for entertainment,I dreamed of a game which could be called the ninth art.In order to realize it,I devoted myself into studying programming in senior school,and got the first prize in NOIP2008.I know,it requirs a wealth of knowledge and technique,so I studied hard and read many books.I believe,through my continuous hard work,some day my dream will came true.
Sencondly,.(你要想说服面试官,除了上述优点,还能找出一个吗?比如讲你如何努力学习英语,如果没有,就将上一段的first of all去掉)
(既然是面试,在最后一定要点出你这次自我介绍的目的)I have keen desire to be part of your company (or your team),I'm sure I will make positive contribution through my hard work.
That's all.Thank you for your time.
我也曾面试过很多人,

Hello everyone!
Thanks for giving me this opportunity.
It's my great honor to introduce myself.
my name is XXX. I am 18 years old and now I am studying at XX No.X senior school.
I'm ke...

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Hello everyone!
Thanks for giving me this opportunity.
It's my great honor to introduce myself.
my name is XXX. I am 18 years old and now I am studying at XX No.X senior school.
I'm keen on computer games since I am a litter child. I spend most of my spare time playing games.
I find most of games are just for entertainment,except a game called the ninth art.
In order to understand it,I start to study programming once I am a senior student.
The more I learn, The more I realize that it required more knowledge. So I studied hard and read many books.
And, fortunately I have got the first prize in NOIP2008.
I have a dream that I can wirte better games.
And I think here is the best place for me and for all of the people who have the same dream with me.
Hope you can concern me.
Thanks very much.
个人意见,希望大家在此基础上继续修改

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This is really a great honor to have this opportunity (to give my speech.)and I believe i can make a good performance today.First,i will introduce myself briefly.my name is XXX.I am 18 years old and I...

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This is really a great honor to have this opportunity (to give my speech.)and I believe i can make a good performance today.First,i will introduce myself briefly.my name is XXX.I am 18 years old and I am a senior student at XX No.X high school.
I'm keen on computer games,and it start at my childhood.Having realized that most of games are just for entertainment,I dream of a game which can be called the ninth art.I know,if i want my dreame come ture,I must study hard and read many books. So I studyed programming in senior schooland got the first prize in NOIP2008.I believe, through my continuous hard work,my dream will come true.
That's all.Thank you for giving me the chance.
立意不明确，不知道是只是表达自己的理想，还是希望从事什么工作。语句顺序错误，语法错误，表达不够简练，明确。已经做了修改，不知道对不。
整段话就上给人感觉模糊，语法错误教多，但本身文章就不长，所以表达起来还是不太具体，明确，不知道目的是什么。

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Hello everyone!
Thanks for giving me this opportunity.
It's my great honor to introduce myself.
My name is XXX. I am 18 years old and now I am studying at XX No.X senior school.
I'm ke...

全部展开

Hello everyone!
Thanks for giving me this opportunity.
It's my great honor to introduce myself.
My name is XXX. I am 18 years old and now I am studying at XX No.X senior school.
I'm keen on computer games since I am a litter child. I spend most of my spare time playing games.
I find that most of games are just for entertainment,except a game called the ninth art.
In order to understand it, I start to study programming when I am a senior student.
The more I learn, The more I realize that it required more knowledge. So I have been studying hard and reading many books.
And, fortunately I have got the first prize in NOIP2008.
I have a dream that I can programme better games.
And I think here is the best place for me and for all of the people who have the same dream with me.
I hope you can give a good consideration for my application.
Thanks very much.
2楼的基础上改的，呵呵！

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Hello everyone, my name is XXX.I AM HONORED to have this opportunity, and I believe I can make A good performance today. Now I will introduce myself briefly. I am 18 years old and I am a senior studen...

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Hello everyone, my name is XXX.I AM HONORED to have this opportunity, and I believe I can make A good performance today. Now I will introduce myself briefly. I am 18 years old and I am a senior student at XX No.X high school.
I'm keen on computer games,and my love for that dates back to my childhood. Having realized that most of games are just for entertainment,I dream of MAKING a game which can be called the ninth art （帅）. In order to realize it,I STUDIED programming in MY senior YEAR, and got the first prize in NO-IP2008. I know, it required A LOAD of knowledge, So I studied hard and read many books. I believe, through my continuous hard work, my dream will COME true.
That's all.THANKS FOR LISTENING.
（我感觉以英语不差，写得挺有力量的。给你拿我的手法改了改。编程啊，NB，我也想学）

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1."Good morning"礼貌是非常重要
2."That's all.Thank you for giving me the chance."可以写成 "Thank you ver much"就可以了
3.加上你的兴趣(interest)-e.g.One of my interest is playing basketball, I enjoy doing thing as part of a team.
4. 千万不可害羞也不要太谦虚, 最重要是有信心

最好能用一些事例证明你有能力
Good Luck

Good morning everyone. Thank you for being here today. My name is XXX. It's a great honor for me to talk to you. Now I will introduce myself briefly. I am 18 years old and I am a senoir at XX No.X hig...

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Good morning everyone. Thank you for being here today. My name is XXX. It's a great honor for me to talk to you. Now I will introduce myself briefly. I am 18 years old and I am a senoir at XX No.X high school. I loved to play computer games since I was little. Having realized that most of games are just for entertainment, I dream of a game which can be called the ninth art, so I decided to write my own game when I grow up. In order to do that, I studied programming in high school, and won the first prize in NOIP2008(请在这里简要说明一下这个prize是什么方面的). I know writing computer games requires loads of knowledge, so I studied hard and read a lot of books. I believe through my continuous hard working that my dream will came true.
Thank you again for letting me speak to you today.
楼主还是做的很不错的啦~ 我就直接把要改的全部改在上文里了, 都是美式的说法和习惯. 这里有几个要注意的地方, 虽然说你是演讲, 但是在英语书写里面, 特别是打字, 要有一个空格在标点符号后面. 首先上台要和听众建立交流, 因为是比你上级的人(面试官), 所以你要用稍正式一些的good morning/good afternoon如果是在下午, 在建立完交流之后就要感谢他们还有就是你是高三的学生你就说你是一个senior就够了, 不用在后面加student. 最后的结尾你不要直白的说thats all, 只要表示感谢他们就知道了.
还有就是如果你的目的是入学的话就要加入你为啥要进入这个学校学习, 你会学到什么, 还有就是这个学校如果录取你了会有啥好处等. 如果是工作岗位的面试就需要说为什么要进入这个公司, 你如果加入了这个公司会给公司带来怎样的效益等

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