帮忙改下英语作文1 .according to the survey ,an increasing number of people are beginning to realize technology does not end with social .2.the advanced technology will make it possible for human beings to land on Mars .3.everybody will have a

帮忙改下英语作文1 .according to the survey ,an increasing number of people are beginning to realize technology does not end with social .2.the advanced technology will make it possible for human beings to land on Mars .3.everybody will have a
帮忙改下英语作文
1 .according to the survey ,an increasing number of people are beginning to realize technology does not end with social .2.the advanced technology will make it possible for human beings to land on Mars .3.everybody will have a videophone ,people will have no difficult in communicating .
4 .when it comes to videophone ,it's good for children to learn knowledge .5 .what's better ,many experts point out that the robot helps us to do homework .6 .i think it' s good for us .
麻烦好心人改下,指出哪句错了,并给个分（满分二十五）

帮忙改下英语作文1 .according to the survey ,an increasing number of people are beginning to realize technology does not end with social .2.the advanced technology will make it possible for human beings to land on Mars .3.everybody will have a
1.social 是一个形容词,应该改为名词形式society.根据后面的句子意思,将“does not end with"改为”does good to improve “更恰当,因为你后面说的是技术给我们带来的好处.
2.承接第一句,加个”例如“更好些,因为你并没有将技术的好处全部讲述出来.
3.这两个独立句子可以合并为一个复合句,将第一个句子改为介宾短句”with a videophone" ,整个句子会凸显出你的语言应用能力.
4.when it comes to .意思是“提到,谈到,涉及”,如果这个句子不是放在第3句后面的话,这个句子是个很好的句子,但如果是放在第3句后面的话,“when it comes to .”就显得不是很好,因为第3句已经提到了videophone,现在要说它的另外一个好处,所以建议改为”another advantage of videophone is that ."
5.“而且,此外”的正确表达方式是“what's more",请准确记忆一些常用短语
6.如果你是赞同第5句中专家的观点,可以加一个And,或者将第6句合并到第5句中,改为非限制性定语从句,用which引导.
所以,我建议将原文改为下面的短文,
According to the survey,an increasing number of people are beggning to realize that technology does good to improve our society.For instance,the Advanced techonology makes it possible for human beings to land on Mars.With a videophone,people will have no difficult in getting contact with each other.Another advantage of videophone is that it's good for children to learn.What's more,many experts point out that the robats can help us to do house work.And I think it is good for us.