谁能帮我看一下这篇英语文章有没有语法错误~In childhood,the all occupation in my eyes is scientist、 teacher doctor and police.When elementary school teacher let us speak what we want to do when we have grown up ,Everybody always p

谁能帮我看一下这篇英语文章有没有语法错误~In childhood,the all occupation in my eyes is scientist、 teacher doctor and police.When elementary school teacher let us speak what we want to do when we have grown up ,Everybody always p
谁能帮我看一下这篇英语文章有没有语法错误~
In childhood,the all occupation in my eyes is scientist、 teacher doctor and police.When elementary school teacher let us speak what we want to do when we have grown up ,Everybody always proud of this and says that one kind of these occupations.I said at that time:I want to become outstanding female police.
While I grow up,and my disposition have changed,my dream were no longer to be a police already.Although police is a sacred occupation .After graduate from high school,My ideal completely pays attention in the media aspect.
Now,I study in a colleges about media in Hebei Province and I learn,I like it very much .I hope that After the graduation I can do the work about Television Directs.Contributes my own strength in the motherland ’s television business.
In order to realize this idea,I have done several.
First.Studies study special course in college carefully.
Second.I has bought the camera and body carrying,for improve my professional skill.
Third.Studies Later period manufactures software independently.And editing short film by myself.
Fourth.Because of that all practices are establishment above the theory ,so I planned that join in the graduate student to take a test and to got the Master's degree.
I will continue to try hard to do this,If one day,You saw my name in some television column's conclusion captions,I hoped that you can smile with me.Because I am making the enterprise which I like,moreover I succeeded ,Thank you.I hope all person hear this article can have a happiness life.
In a word,I will do my best to embrace success.

谁能帮我看一下这篇英语文章有没有语法错误~In childhood,the all occupation in my eyes is scientist、 teacher doctor and police.When elementary school teacher let us speak what we want to do when we have grown up ,Everybody always p
全文有点长,只对开头两段做了基本修改.供参考吧.
In childhood,all occupations in our eyes were scientist,teacher,doctor and police person.When elementary school teacher let us talk about what we wanted to do when we grew up,everybody proudly mentioned one of these occupations.At that time,I said I wanted to become an outstanding policewoman.
When I grow up,my dispositions changed,and I no longer dreamed to become a police woman,even thought it still is a sacred occupation to me.Since graduation from high school,My ideal have completely focused on the media aspect.