帮我看一下英语作文应该有很多错的地方,Many parents think students shuold go to cram school on weekends.W e shuold not to go out with friends.But I think it is great pressure for teenagers to learn,we shuold be allowed to go out with

帮我看一下英语作文应该有很多错的地方,Many parents think students shuold go to cram school on weekends.W e shuold not to go out with friends.But I think it is great pressure for teenagers to learn,we shuold be allowed to go out with
帮我看一下英语作文
应该有很多错的地方,
Many parents think students shuold go to cram school on weekends.W e shuold not to go out with friends.But I think it is great pressure for teenagers to learn,we shuold be allowed to go out with friends on weenkends.After studying for a week,we meed to have some of their time.I think it would be helpful for our study,and we can learn more from our friends about some interesting things.Even if allowed,we must also pay attetion to safety.
掉了一个词But I think it is great pressure for teenagers to learn,we shuold be allowed to go out with friends on weenkends，relax。

帮我看一下英语作文应该有很多错的地方,Many parents think students shuold go to cram school on weekends.W e shuold not to go out with friends.But I think it is great pressure for teenagers to learn,we shuold be allowed to go out with
1.Many parents think students shuold go to cram school on weekends.W e shuold not to go out with friends.change to:
Many parents think that students shuold go to cram school on weekends and they shuold not go out with friends.加了连接词
2.But I think it is great pressure for teenagers to learn,we shuold be allowed to go out with friends on weenkends.change to:
I think they shuold be allowed we to go out with friends on weenkends because I think it can give us a big improve.
3.After studying for a week,we meed to have some of their time.change to:
After studying for a week,we meed to have some spare time.
4.Even if allowed,we must also pay attetion to safety.这句不是不好,而是如果这样接下去,就会很怪,你前面说的是在周末时玩的好处,现在有突然有even《即使》这词,那就成了：即使如果给,也要注意安全.这就跟前面的文字语气不相符.还有即使《even》=如果《if》,不能出现在同一句子.so,it can change to:If our parents allowed us to have the spare time,we will be very thank for it,but we need pay attention of the safety too,or we'll be hurt.