谁有比较短的英语笑话,

谁有比较短的英语笑话,
谁有比较短的英语笑话,

谁有比较短的英语笑话,
Money is not everything.There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡.
One should love animals.They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃.
Save water.Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George,how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her,Mother,because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too."
新老师
9月1日,乔治放学回到家里.
"乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?" 妈妈问.
"妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6,可后来又说2加4也得6."
Excuse for Speeding
Excuse for Speeding
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road.A police car pulled them over.
〃Why on earth were you driving so fast?〃 the policeman yelled.
〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!〃
超速的理由
哈里与劳埃德超速行驶,一辆警车拦住了他们.
“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道.
“我们的刹车不好,因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地.”
A:What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
B:A monkey can have fleas,but a flea can't have monkeys.
A:猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?
B:猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.
A:Which is the strongest creature in the world?
B:The snail.It carries its house on its back.
A:世界上最强壮的动物是什么?
B:蜗牛.因为它可以把自己的房子放在背上.
A:How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
B:Keep him awake.
A:怎样才能不让梦游者梦游呢?
B:不让他睡觉.
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody.What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人.
-- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人.
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States,she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her.At the bank counter,the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real.It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more,uttering."Trust me,Sir,and trust the money.They are real US dollars.They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元.在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假.
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票.这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的.”
my little dog can't read
Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦,
亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!
布朗夫人：没有用的,我的小狗不认识字.”
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.
-- Well,bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员,
这个龙虾只有一只爪.
-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了.
-- 哦,那给我那个打赢的吧.
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads,see how the farms looked,and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.The city man saw a farmer in his yard,holding a pig up in his hands,and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples,but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天,有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村,在乡间路上开着车,想看看农庄是什么样子,也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子.这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上,手中抱着一头猪,并把它举得高高的,好让它能够吃到树上的苹果.城里人对农夫说,"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的,但是,这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说,"时间对猪有什么意义?"
Two birls
Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?
Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher:Please tell us.
Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师：这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.
老师：请说说看.
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子

http://blog.smiledqw.cn/xh2/list1.htm
http://www.english767.com/Article/joke/

Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the p...

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Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
It's always me
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"
总是我
一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？”
大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？”
又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？”
大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”
It's always me
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"
总是我
一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？”
大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？”
又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？”
大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”
耶稣的电视机
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. "But what\'s that in the corner?" asked Mother. "Oh, that\'s their telly," replied the tot.
耶稣的电视机
圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。 他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。 “可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。 “噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
这个应该昨天发比较合适.可是昨天发完了,才看到的.呵呵.
Who's the printer?
The professor was giving the final lecture of the term. He spoke about students work and asked them to prepare for the final examination well. He said, "The examination papers are now in the hands of the printer. Are there any questions?"
There was silence. But suddenly a voice from the rear sked, "Who is the printer?"
谁是印刷工？

教授在给学生上本学期的最后一堂课，他讲了一些关于学生的作业情况，然后要求学生好好准备期末考试。他说道，“考卷已经在印刷工手里了。还有什么问题吗？”
教室里一片寂静。突然从后排传出声音问道：“谁是印刷工呀？”
All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance,my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"I'm the people. All I do is pay."
我要做的一切就是付钱。

布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就像一个国家一样。我妻子是财政部长。
我岳母是作战部长，
我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
Asking a question
During the computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting behind him.
"I was just asking her a question, " the boy said.
"If you have a question, ask me," the teacher replied.
"OK," the boy answered. "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"
问问题

计算机课上，老师批评一个男生，因为他和后边的女生说话。
“我只不过问她一个问题。”男生说。
“如果你有问题，问我好了。”老师说道。
“那好吧，”这个男生说，“周五晚上你愿意和我一起出去吗？”
Put the peach back on the tree
Bob: I had a rough time this morning. The farmer caught me in one of his peach trees.
Barbara: Gosh! What did you do?
Bob: I told him one of his peaches fell down and I was trying to put it back!
把桃子放回树上去。
鲍勃：我今天早晨非常不顺。那个农民在他的一棵桃树上抓住了我。
芭巴拉：天啊！你干了些什么呀？
鲍勃：我告诉他他的一个桃子掉在地上了，我只是想把它放回去。
林肯过生日
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。
老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。

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