我许多国外朋友都说我的英语essay选词,structure很怪,高手能不能帮我看看我这篇文章的问题,能具体指出～As time goes by,a lot of event happened in my life.Some of them are just written in water,but one of them changes

我许多国外朋友都说我的英语essay选词,structure很怪,高手能不能帮我看看我这篇文章的问题,能具体指出～As time goes by,a lot of event happened in my life.Some of them are just written in water,but one of them changes
我许多国外朋友都说我的英语essay选词,structure很怪,高手能不能帮我看看我这篇文章的问题,能具体指出～
As time goes by,a lot of event happened in my life.Some of them are just written in water,but one of them changes my life.On September 17th,I started my new life in Canada which is such an important event that changes my future life.
Before I came to Canada,A variety of my friends said that Canada is beautiful city which owns great circumstance,fresh air,nice persons especially the education quality that no one would miss the chance to study in such a great country.Although living by me would be harder than living under the protection of my parents,I still trust my independent capability that self-dealing with problems in another country would not that difficult.With my parents and friends’ encouragement,after only a short period of time I decided to be an international student.But I have never thought that it is much harder than I imaged.
Since I landed at Vancouver,troubles have been coming flying at me thick and fast.
First is language.When I study in China,maybe getting high marks in English tests is not a big problem but the bottleneck of using English in the domestic environment is hard to break.I still remember that during the first several weeks I must rely on electronic dictionary when I communicate with native person.
Second is living by myself.When I in China my parents help me to deal with most of my problems and arrange my daily life which result in my dependent.But in Canada,when I face with problems,I must deal with them by myself.Because of this,there happened a lot of “first time”.For example first time to open a new account in bank,first time to shop for groceries and cook meals,first time extend visa,etc.Those affairs that I used to think they are very easy suddenly became difficult.And I also first time to cry loudly but no one comfort me.Since then,I feel how important my family is which I seldom realized when I live with them.Thanks to studying abroad which let me know how much my parents love me and support me.It let me multiplexing love my family and cherish friendship.Of course,I was faced with lots of difficulties but most of them let me grow up and change some of my bad habits.
Studying in Canada has a long-run significance that its effects are not immediately obvious,but they are deep and wide.First of all,it gives me chance to attend world famous university such as Simon Fraser University.Compared to Chinese university’s education level,Canada’s is higher overall.What’s more,there are wider range of majors can be chosen.So I get more freedom and opportunities to choose the major.Choosing the right major lay a solid foundation for my future career.
In addition to Studying,living abroad also changed my point of view.It greatly broadens my horizon which let me dissolve in different culture and help me to own a more comprehensive understanding of human nature and society.I can’t acknowledged these information if I only stay in my mother-land.

我许多国外朋友都说我的英语essay选词,structure很怪,高手能不能帮我看看我这篇文章的问题,能具体指出～As time goes by,a lot of event happened in my life.Some of them are just written in water,but one of them changes
是很奇怪.（用英文回答比较快,不要见怪） 1.topic sentence doesn't match your essay.Your topic sentence is "event that changed my life",but your essay is more about how difficult it is for you when you came Canada,so you might consider changing your topic sentence to "The move to Canada has changed my life dramatically" or something similar.the structure of an essay is (at least i prefer this):1- tell them what you will tell them (introduction - topic sentence should be here,and list your arguments here - make this paragraph short) 2- tell them (the body of your essay,each argument is one paragraph and explain them in detail) 3- tell them what you told them (summary that's basically the same as your intro - don't add new ideas) remember to put transition between each of the paragraphs,either the last sentence of the last paragraph or the first sentence of the new paragraph.2.some of your sentences are kinda weird...it's best if you go over them yourself,as everyone got their own writing style