说实话本人作文很差~第一次考作文5.5只有这个是下午刚写的.能不能麻烦考过雅思的或者雅思高手帮忙看下.大概能有多少分呢?然后错误以及意见呢?题目Improvements in health,education and trade are ess

说实话本人作文很差~第一次考作文5.5只有这个是下午刚写的.能不能麻烦考过雅思的或者雅思高手帮忙看下.大概能有多少分呢?然后错误以及意见呢?题目Improvements in health,education and trade are ess
说实话本人作文很差~第一次考作文5.5只有
这个是下午刚写的.能不能麻烦考过雅思的或者雅思高手帮忙看下.大概能有多少分呢?然后错误以及意见呢?
题目Improvements in health,education and trade are essential for the development of poor nations.however,the governments of richer nations should take more responsibilities for helping the poorer nations in such area.
Agree or disagree?
作文如下：
In present day,the problems of poverty become an obstacle to the development of poor countries in the world.It is significant to improve the development of health,education and trade in the nations with poverty.However,there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether the wealthy nations should take more obligations to assist the impoverished nations in such areas.In these assay,I will compare and contrast two typical opinions regarding this issue.
Some people tend to think that the deprived nations should ease poverty depend on themselves instead of begging for well-off nations' help such like poverty alleviation even if those actions can relieve poverty in a short term.Specifically,improvements in health,education and trade play an essential role in development of needy nations as following reasons.At first,improvement in health can benefit citizen's life and also contribute to social stability.Secondly,it is meaningful for fostering talent and national culture with long-term advantages by paying much more attention to the improvements in education.Last but not the least,trade,one of the crucial part of economic growth,can promote the economic cooperations in the world that can contribute to solving the problems of poverty.
Admittedly,the governments of richer nations should take the responsibilities for helping the poorer nations in such areas.The reason for this is that the developed countries have the advantages of economic ability to fund the poor nations.Additionally,to keep the duties of helping the poor also obey the moral standards.Even so ,richer nations could not always help the poorer countries in every aspect.Only those needy nations could stand on their own feet can they have the long-term development.
Overall,I would concede that the governments of richer countries should take more responsibilities for assisting the poorer countries.Despite that ,the deprived countries should give priority to improvements in health,education and trade.
囧 第一个词打错啦 in the present age,

说实话本人作文很差~第一次考作文5.5只有这个是下午刚写的.能不能麻烦考过雅思的或者雅思高手帮忙看下.大概能有多少分呢?然后错误以及意见呢?题目Improvements in health,education and trade are ess
亲爱的同学 第一句就有错误 是at present day, 后面那句结构冗长 杂乱. 全文结构是明晰的,但是部分短语词汇的用法欠妥.有待提高啊.我给分5