寻找英语笑话高级英语笑话,没有翻译也可.最近郁闷死了,读读英语发泄一下.高级英语,别整三岁的,要整就整四岁的.

寻找英语笑话高级英语笑话,没有翻译也可.最近郁闷死了,读读英语发泄一下.高级英语,别整三岁的,要整就整四岁的.
寻找英语笑话
高级英语笑话,没有翻译也可.最近郁闷死了,读读英语发泄一下.
高级英语,别整三岁的,要整就整四岁的.

寻找英语笑话高级英语笑话,没有翻译也可.最近郁闷死了,读读英语发泄一下.高级英语,别整三岁的,要整就整四岁的.
http://news.iciba.com/1626/

Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the...

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Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝；巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似；类似
18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
英语笑话（一）
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话 http://www.english767.com/Article/joke/Index.html 有声英语笑话,推荐 http://www.english767.com/tingli/joke/Index.html

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1：巨蛋拆除公司（注意：[1]为了方便查看，“我”→这个“人称代词”主格一律用大写。[2]里面是纯正的美式口语，可能不一定符合我们的阅读习惯。）
①、叮咚。
呆伯特：“狗伯特，去开门看是谁？”
（1）、Ding Dong.
Daibote：“Dogbert， see who's at the door.”
②、工人：“嘿，我是‘巨蛋拆除...

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1：巨蛋拆除公司（注意：[1]为了方便查看，“我”→这个“人称代词”主格一律用大写。[2]里面是纯正的美式口语，可能不一定符合我们的阅读习惯。）
①、叮咚。
呆伯特：“狗伯特，去开门看是谁？”
（1）、Ding Dong.
Daibote：“Dogbert， see who's at the door.”
②、工人：“嘿，我是‘巨蛋拆除公司’的，我奉命派来拆除这栋房子。”
（2）、Worker：“Hi. I’m from the ‘Big Ball Wrecking Company.’ I have a work order to de-stroy this house.”
③、狗伯特：“你好像走错了，这儿是核桃大街，核桃街是在另一头。”
（3）、Dogbert：“Looks like you have the wrong address， this is Walnut Avenue， Walnut Street is clear across town.”
④、工人：“真不巧！我没工夫老远开到那头去。”
（4）、Worker：“oh phlegm! Idon't have time to drive way over there.”
⑤、工人：“那我就把这房子铲平，你看不会太打扰吧？”
（5）、Worker：“Wouid it be a bother if I just leveled this house instead?”
⑥、狗伯特：“有点不太方便，试试隔壁强生家吧。”
（6）、Dogbert：“That would be a tad inconvenient. Yry the Johnsons， next door.”
⑦、呆伯特：“什么声音这么吵？”狗伯特：“强生家好像没人在。”
（7）、Daibote：“What was that loud noise?”Dogbert：“Apparently the Johnsons aren't home.”
2：教学录像带
①、狗伯特：“这盘录像带你已经反复看了好几天了。”
（1）、Dogbert：“You've been watching this video tape over and over for days.”
②、呆伯特：“这网球教学录像带真棒，看着看着我已感到球技精进不少。”
（2）、Daibote：“These tennis instruction tapes are great， I can just feel my game improving as I watch.”
③、呆伯特：“其实，我觉得自己根本没必要上场打球了。”
（3）、Daibote：“in fact， Isee no need to actually physically play the game ever again.”
3：大布丁
①、狗伯特：“也许我该著书立传。”
（1）、Dogbert：“Maybe I should write a book.”
②、狗伯特：“不……或许我只是该读书。”
（2）、Dogbert：“Nah……maybe I should just read a book.”
③、狗伯特：“或许看看电视周刊就得了……”狗伯特：“还是看看电视，有什么就看什么，然后变成又蠢又肥的大布丁。”
（3）、Dogbert：“maybe I'll just read the TV guide……”Dogbert：“Maybe I'll just watch whatever's on and turn into pudding……”
4：伪装大人
①、呆伯特：“有时候觉得自己外表虽然是大人，内心其实是个小孩，希望没人会发觉。”
（1）、Daibote：“Sometimes I feel like a kid in an adult's body， hoping no-body notices.”
②、呆伯特：“好像一过十四岁就停止发育，开始伪装大人。”
（2）、Daibote：“It's as if I stopped maturing and just started faking it after age fourteen.”
③、呆伯特：“女人一定不这么感觉，我打赌。”妻子：“讨厌鬼。”
（3）、Daibote：“I'll bet women never feel that way.”Wife：“Cooties.”（注：cooties原意是虱子，在此是孩童间的口语，当某孩子不喜欢和另一个孩子一块玩或坐在一起时，就可以说cooties或He has cooties.）
5：给我站住
①、男售货员：“小子，给我站住！”
（1）、Salesman：“Hold it right there， fella!”
②、呆伯特：“噢！……你一定是看到我吃了‘B’走道的葡萄。”男售货员：“我只是提醒你付钱。”
（2）、Daibote：“Uh-oh…… You must have seen me eat that grape in aisle ‘B’.”Salesman：“I just want to make sure you pay for it.”
③、男售货员：“好像192磅，来之前呢？”呆伯特：“真舒服。”
（3）、Salesman：“Looks like 192pounds. What were you before you came in?”Daibote：“Happy~~~~~~~~.”
6：人鱼之斗
①、呆伯特：“好友，钓鱼不过是人鱼之斗。”
（1）、Daibote：“It's just man against fish out here， my friend.”
②、呆伯特：“只不过以我超高的智慧、设备及体力，实在有点胜之不武。”
（2）、Daibote：“Although it's a bit of a mismatch、 with my su-perior brain， equip-ment and strength.”
③、狗伯特：“哇，他还会滑水哩！”
（3）、Dogbert：“Boy， all that and he can water-ski， too.”
7：高尔夫基因
①、狗伯特：“科学家已发现使人爱上高尔夫的基因了。”
（1）、Dogbert：“Scientists have discov-ered the gene that makes some people love golf.”
②、呆伯特：“如何辨认是高尔夫基因呢？”
（2）、Daibote：“How can they tell it's the golf gene?”
③、狗伯特：“有方格图案且非常不老实。”呆伯特：“吸取科学新知，靠你，我就完了。”
（3）、Dogbert：“It's plaid and it lies.”Daibote：“I probably shouldn't rely on you for my science updates.”
http://www.jest365.cn/

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Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the c...

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Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

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ONLY A FEW WORDS
At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. Don't you speak English at all? the judge ask...

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ONLY A FEW WORDS
At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. Don't you speak English at all? the judge asks. Only a few words, replies the mugger.
What words do you know?
Your purse or your life!
几个英语词
法庭上法官正审问一个抢劫犯，由于该犯是一个不会说英语的外国人，审问很困难。你一点英语都不会说吗？法官问。我只会说几个词。抢劫犯回答。
你会说哪几个词？
你是要钱还

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