英语翻译这是原文!

英语翻译这是原文!
英语翻译
这是原文!

英语翻译这是原文!
机器翻的错误百出

全文翻译如下：
Originally mountain（赵本山，下同）:Hear him-Not appropriate cook, changed to defend suddenly and leisurely hot-line, unexpectedly dare to threaten again not fell into trap to cheat, the ruthlessn...

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全文翻译如下：
Originally mountain（赵本山，下同）:Hear him-Not appropriate cook, changed to defend suddenly and leisurely hot-line, unexpectedly dare to threaten again not fell into trap to cheat, the ruthlessness reality has already got close to my mental defense line directly and quickly, I want not to sell him to order this year what, promise a topic for three years me can not cash with audience.
Disciple 1（徒弟1）:Teacher go in!
:Don't become nervous, stir a harassment telephone first.(Make a phone call).How do you do!
Fan4 Wei3:How do you do.BE to lend you a pair of insight to defend to suddenly and leisurely consult with hot-line here, I am experienced to fall into trap old Fan, with lend fall into trap of several yearses experience, to whether you is suddenly and leisurely made to definitely judge or not:Someone sells to turn, please press 1;Someone sells a car, please press 2;Someone brain teasers, please press 3;Someone sells a load of and directly stir 110.
:How do you do!
Fan:How do you do!
:You are Fan's teacher?
Fan:Which are you ?
:I is ……have a problem to want to directly consult with you old once.
Fan:Boon, you say.
:There is a head of in my house the old sow, blackly white flower of, the morning opens family together forward crazy run with the speed of per hour 80 veins, "Mao Dang" bumps a tree up, die!
Fan:Bumped to die?Does the sight of this pig have a problem?
:All of a pair eyes is 1.5.
Fan:Can have what mental disease?
:Is the mental state healthy!
Fan:Does that how can bump dead?
:That pig brains knows nothing about flashback curved Bai!
Fan:I say you not card by a set of road!Brain teasers you have to press 3 which!That words that is since such, I also consult with your[one] problem.
:You say.
Fan:Celebrate the New Year, our house what year goods also didn't buy, leave a head of pig and a head of donkey.You say am I to kill pig first and still kill donkey first?
:That you kill first …… (speak with disciple)BE two opportunities for you.
Disciple 1:Kill donkey first.
:Kill donkey first.
Fan:Congratulate you, answered a rightness.The pig also thinks so.
:Small kind!Sorrow!Let me to feel sorrow for you!See will only rush river's lake, this how can let me trust of bottom?
Disciple 2:Teacher kill pig first like.
:That donkey also thinks so!I tell you, for this problem, you kill first who all not make.Why did I answer?Because I consider that it is to have a problem.Did you see?He has already grown up now from a Jin in that year two!
Disciple 1:Teacher, he is too severe, the Za return!
:Can't return!Sell to turn, suddenly and leisurely was lame he;Sold a car, chased him suddenly and leisurely Yan;Don't put him even in very the clock, I can not be again to teach expert with your a pair.
The disciple together says:The teacher gets into the door, suddenly and leisurely at personal!
:Good.See my expression of eyes behaviour, go in!The United States he!
Disciple:Excuse me, , Fan teacher at?
Fan:Which?Excuse me, your consultation …… (looking at)oh!Oh!Ah!Ah!Ah!……This is what shape?Pretty interesting and novel!Very 6+ 七 ?!This that year the winds and clouds of Chi Mao how greatly and suddenly and leisurely fall to this farm land?Heaven ah, the earth ah, is this tone that that angel's elder sister gives me?The pig bumped a tree to ascend, you bumped pig to ascend?Isn't making track for tail and yes?The Zha changes again three?
:Three years, I wanted to die you.
Fan:Suddenly and leisurely!
:I was toward you to repent to come.
Fan:Immediately after and suddenly and leisurely!
:Have me the disciple testimony.
Fan:Set regiment suddenly and leisurely I came.Not make, greatly and suddenly and leisurely.Wanting ～only us these the person of the docile to watch out for you to your exaltation would also what?Soon would how many brain teaserses?Ground previous monkey, the tree previous seven monkey, these be two monkeys, may also eight monkeys,
:May three monkeys, may also nine monkeys.
Fan:How to change again?
:Be pregnant a monkey.
Fan:Interesting?
:Dull.Not is give you lane brain teasers that entry-level stage, I am toward you to apologize apology.Three years, be Fan's cook at this most sorry person in the world.How good person.I often say with you, do you say that what I cheat him to do?How faithful honesty, you say me, you beat my two times and you can not go down a hand.You scold my 2 and you can not open a mouth.So, anyway you forgave me to also come, don'ted forgive me to also come and forgive not to forgive me to take a sincerity to rush toward noodles since then.
Fan:Ah ah ah!Still rush toward noodles.You see, suddenly and leisurely, Hey ah, immediately after and suddenly and leisurely.
:Get up my Chan.
Fan:Can stand up?Ah ah ah.Walk, walk 2.Walk 2, come, walk.Cough, isn't the E person and yes?Isn't an E person?Does everyone looking at and appear what accident related to with me.You are whole old hang lantern stem what?Are you old to stand up?What matter do you hurriedly say how about it?
:Do you want to listen to?
Fan:I want to listen to.
:Do you finish listen to your letter?
Fan:You as long as stand up me to believe.
:That you withdraw, I can stand up.
Fan:Hum, say.
:It's a long story to tell.Remember that is the first snow in 2003 and compared a night for 2002 years some.
Fan:You the whole lyrics is dry what ah?Have what matter to quickly and directly say.
:I not with you play falsely of, today I apologized to you to come.
:Last goods!Familiar looking?
Fan:This is you suddenly and leisurely my that several hundred dollars?
Fan:The little money moved.
Fan:Is this that form?
:Wear in hand and then didn't walk through a word.
Fan:This, elder brother----
:We two gratitude and grudges should conclude?Still have it, this several years, hold up our 2 of affection of be this chief criminal of be this wheel chair.I have to be you today of noodles, pulverize it.
Disciple:Teacher can't hit.Teacher, this wheel chair is you the old both the elder brotherses be heavy to return at the good witness.
:Don't blather, I, can't pull me.
Disciple:Teacher, Alas!, teacher!
Fan:Eldest brother, you have to hit and then hit me.Eldest brother you have a sincerity too much!The children can say that again, it not only is that we are heavy to return at the good witness, more is I hereafter avoid fall into trap of Jing clock.I collected.
:Don't go, the students spend money to do to me of, how can you collect?
Fan:Like, many money I give.
:Spend how much ?
Disciple:2,000.
Fan:I, 2,000.
:I give 2,005.
Fan:I, 3,000.
:I, 3,005.
Fan:I 4,000.
:I 5,000.
Fan:Clinch a deal.
:You Fan's cook.Ah ah.
Fan:You shout of 5,000, I fall of Chui, clinch a deal!
:That is wrong, you record wrong, how shout?
Living:I listen to be what Fan's cook shout.
Fan:What, what ah?
Living:BE not, the teacher shout.
:Disorderly disorderly.So, who the never mind shout.You see, our Le is one Le and have a little in disorder, who shout first.
Fan:I shout first.
:How much do you shout?
Fan:I, 2,000.
:I, 2,005.
Fan:3,000.
:3,005.
Fan:4,000.
:4,005.
Fan:5,000.
:You see, knew.
Fan:Ah, have a little in disorder, have a little in disorder.
:You calculate again calculate.
Fan:Who don't also talk, myself calculate, oneself Le.
:You oneself be disorderly.
Fan:You don't talk, 2,000, 2,005, 3,000, 3,005, 4,000, 4,005, 5,000, ah
:Your Le is anti-, 2,000 is that you call.
Fan:2,000, 2,005, 3,000.
:BE not.
Fan:2,000, 2,005, 3,000, 3,005, 4,000, 4,005, 5,000.
:To ah.
Fan:Oh.
Living:I record wrong, is what you shout.
Fan:Wrong, wrong, eldest brother, I finish shout 4,000, you directly shout 5,000, right?
Audience:Rightness!
:So, disorderly.Now that Za both the elder brother, you agree to collect, we shout again once, is BE not, listen to understand these 5,000 exactly is who shout.How much is minimum price?
Living:2,000.
Fan:I, 2,000.
:(Fall Zhui)Clinch a deal!Not this time disorderly.
Fan:Did you not and upwards call?
:I fear and shout in disorder.
Living:It this time is what you shout.
Fan:Ah, that line of, don't move, don't move, this wheel chair was mine, don't move, I gave money, 2,000.
:Old younger brother, the according to reason shouldn't want money, but you want a face, you will face, is BE not?Shouldn't take care of you to want, but, the personality don'ted give and been not you.
Fan:Give you I fell into trap.
:Fall into trap?I say for you, press a root ah, just started me thinking ……
Fan:Changed to rob.
:You comprehend wrong, I think that seeking you want ……
Fan:Don't pack, from you on entering a house, you used confidence game respectively, the desire captures past Zong to account, the teacher and pupil match hits a car to account, sparse inside careless suddenly fall Zhui to account, I used an account.
:Will account and then account.
Fan:Send you an account.
:Walk for the best plan.
Fan:Don't send!
:Failed, know because of what failure?This cook doesn't see a vegetables table, change to have a liking for art of war and withdraw!
Disciple:(To Fan)teacher!
Fan:The ah ah teacher teacher
:Do what trifle, kneel where go to, I am here, do what your a pair, do what ah?
Disciple:Teacher, let ,down too much you this suddenly and leisurely the intelligence quotient be too low, heel you also could not learn what trifle.You should do what go to, hurriedly leave, a short while failed to catch two road cars, all.
:Oh!
Disciple:Teacher at up, be subjected to Tu son a do obeisance!
:Ah! mama ah, ah, this world is too crary, the mouses all give the cat be a bridesmaid, ah mama!
Disciple:Teacher!Please receive us!
Fan:The ah ah, children, a sea of woes has no precipice, repentance is salvation, learn like good, celebrated the New Year, wrap red envelope to go to for you, wrap red envelope.
:Sorrow, really sorrow, can this money your a pair want?Last month have I never given you a pair to pay wages?Sorrow!
Fan:Come, one person's 1, take so take like.
:Sorrow
Disciple:Thank teacher
Fan:Oh, don't do not, don't be polite
Disciple:The teacher, the teacher, take down!
:Anti- conspiracy.
Fan:Oh, impossible to effectively guard against! But greatly and suddenly and leisurely, I defy you.You suddenly and leisurely come, suddenly and leisurely go, what I sit not still wheel chair?
:What do you want?
Fan:Do you give the commitment of audience?
:What promise?
Fan:You of load?
:Oneself develop!
Fan:Ah!
:This is to make to order for you of, if short, can also lengthen.
Fan:Oh, for the sake of I you are to take a lot of trouble, luckily I account Gao Yi Chou2 and open red envelope.Celebrated the New Year, send you a scrolls:
Turn a year shake a year predestination
Eat a Qian grows one Zhi thanks
:I repair a horizontal batch to you again
Self-educated become just!

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我的天，这么多E文达人。
我还是不献丑了...

我多自信的跑进来，结果被吓死……无语

Comedy "Kung Fu" lines
Zhao Benshan's TV: I have heard that wrong - he cooks, to prevent Few Words About Huyou hotline, threatened not dared to deception, the cruel reality has been encroaching u...

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Comedy "Kung Fu" lines
Zhao Benshan's TV: I have heard that wrong - he cooks, to prevent Few Words About Huyou hotline, threatened not dared to deception, the cruel reality has been encroaching upon my psychological defense line, and this year I either sell Diansha he promised three years on the topic, I can not honoured with the audience.
Apprentice 1: instructors, get!
Zhao: do not worry, preceded by a telephone harassment. (Phone) conversation. Hello!
Fan: Hello. Here is your take you through a pair of anti-Few Words About Huyou wonders counseling hotline, I experienced Shangdangzhe Lao Fan, fooled by years of experience, whether you were Few Words About Huyou to the clear conclusion: Some people Maiguai, please press 1; Some car dealers, please click 2; It was a Naojinjizhuaiwan, please press 3; stretcher was sold directly dial 110.
Zhao: Hello!
Fan: Hello!
Zhao: Are you the master Fan?
Fan: Which are you?
Zhao: I…… have a question you would like to direct advice to the elderly.
Fan: TU, you said.
Zhao: I have a mother Zhua home, the Heidi white ah, good morning to open the door to a 80 hour clock the speed of forward Fengbo, "Kuang Dangshan" hit the tree, dead!
Fan: death? Yantouzhu eyesight is not a problem way?
Zhao: Their eyes are 1.5.
Fan: What will the psychological diseases ah?
Zhao: mental health can be?
Fan: Then how will be killed?
Zhao: the character of pig brains will not sharp turn hymns!
Fan: I said you are not on the routines card ah! You have to Naojinjizhuaiwan by 3! Since then so, I also consulted you a question.
Zhao: You said.
Fan: New Year, our family did not buy what Nianhuo, left a pig and a donkey. You say that I am a first杀猪it, or Xiansha donkey?
Zhao: You Xiansha…… (disciples) - give you two opportunities.
Apprentice 1: Xiansha donkey.
Zhao: Xiansha donkey.
Fan: Congratulations, answered correctly. Pigs are also thought.
Zhao: demo! Sad! I really feel sad for you! Duchen quack to see, how can I rest assured that the next?
Apprentice 2: master, first杀猪well.
Zhao: It is thought the donkey! Let me tell you, on this issue, you Xiansha bad to anyone. Why am I not answer? Because I consider it is a problem. See? He has one of the tendons that now grow to two blocked!
Apprentice 1: master, he too aggressive, Our back!
Zhao: You can not go back! Maiguai, he Few Words About Huyou Que; car, he Few Words About Huyou Yan; in the 10 minutes he was not maneuvering, I can not tell you when the two teachers to the Secretary.
Disciples, saying: master from inside, Few Words About Huyou personal!
Zhao: Good. I see taking their cue, get! US him!
Apprentice: Can Fan tuition?
Fan: Which? I would like to ask your advice…… (see Zhao) wow! Ah! ! ! ! …… What is the shape ah? Ting chic! 6 +7 very way? ! This was a Few Words About Huyou thriving how you reach this piece of land? Heaven ah, ah earth, the angels who is a big sister to me that the tone of way? Pig hit a tree, and you hit on the pig? Ah is not a plowed? Also yesterday to three?
Zhao: three years, I want to die you.
Fan: Few Words About Huyou!
Zhao: I come to you repent.
Fan: Next Few Words About Huyou!
Zhao: I disciples testify.
Fan: I came to a Few Words About Huyou delegation. So bad, big Few Words About Huyou. As long as our kind-hearted people you will alert you? Several Naojinjizhuaiwan will soon? On a monkey, a tree seven monkey, which is two monkey, the monkey may be eight,
Zhao: It may be three monkeys, may also be nine monkeys.
Fan: how has changed?
Zhao: a pregnant monkeys.
Fan: interesting?
Zhao: meaningless. Lane Naojinjizhuaiwan not give you that the initial stage, and I apologize to you to the Peili. 2003, the most in the world who is sorry Fan cooks. No matter how good people. I often tell you that you said that I cheated him abide by relevant regulations? How straight, you say that I am, you hit me two, you Xiabuqu hand. I scolded you two, you Zhangbukai mouth. In this way, since you have to forgive me, forgive me if I do not come, do not forgive me if I forgive all rushing toward us with sincerity.
Fan: Yaya! Also SERIES. You see, Few Words About Huyou, Hey, ah, and then Few Words About Huyou.
Zhao: I mix up the ah.
Fan: to stand up way? Yaya ah. Take, take two steps forward. Take two steps to take. Cough, fraud is not ah? Is it fraud? We are watching it, what accidents ah okay with me. Nilao whole strictly abide by relevant regulations of the hanging? Nilao stand up way? What are the things you immediately said OK?
Zhao: Do you like to hear?
Fan: I would like.
Zhao: After listening to your letter?
Fan: As long as you stand up on my letter.
Zhao: you withdraw it, I can stand up.
Fan: sing, and said ah.
Zhao: a Shuilaihuachang. Remember that the 2003 is the first snow in 2002 than some of the night.
FAN: You lyrics abide by relevant regulations whole way? Nothing directly that fast.
Zhao: I do not play with you unspecific, and today I apologize to you came.
Zhao: load! Look familiar?
FAN: This is your Few Words About Huyou I those few hundred yuan ah?
Fan: anything not withdrawn.
Fan: That this is the table?
Zhao: wearing no traversed in the hands of the word.
Fan: This, Columbia --
Zhao: We should end the strife between the two? It also, in recent years, the delay between our two feelings that this is the culprit this wheelchair. Today, I must be in front of your face, it smashed.
Apprentice: master, not smashing ah. Master, this wheelchair is Nilaogelia reintegration in good witness ah.
Zhao: Do not or making uninformed, I, I can not pull.
Apprentice: master, Oh, master!
Fan: Brother, you should be smashing hit on me. Brother you are sincere too! Children is right, it is not only a good witness to our reintegration, but also to avoid fooled me after the alarm. I collection.
Zhao: No, the students do give me the money, how can you Favorites?
Fan: Well, I give a lot of money ah.
Zhao: how much money you spend?
Apprentice: 2000.
Fan: I, 2000.
Zhao: I to 2500.
Fan: I, 3000.
Zhao: I, 3500.
Fan: I 4000.
Zhao: I 5000.
Fan: turnover.
Zhao: You Fan cooks. Aiai.
FAN: You call the 5000, I charged the Duo turnover!
Zhao: That is wrong, you remember correctly, how shout?
Health: I listen to the chanting of the Fan cooks.
Fan: What, what way?
Health: No, the master shouted.
Zhao: a chaotic turmoil. This ah, it does not matter who the call. You see, Let Feeling Moss, a little messy, whoever the shouting.
Fan: I am the first shout.
Zhao: Do you shout?
Fan: I, 2000.
Zhao: I, 2500.
Fan: 3,000.
Zhao: 3500.
Fan: 4,000.
Zhao: 4500.
Fan: 5,000.
Zhao: You see clearly.
Fan: hey, a little messy, a bit chaotic.
Zhao: If you calculate.
Fan: Sheiyebie speak, I count themselves Moss.
Zhao: You threw themselves on.
Fan: You can not say, 2,000, 2,500, 3,000, 3,500, 4,000, 4,500, 5,000, hey
Zhao: You Feeling the anti-, 2000 you called.
Fan: 2000, 2500, 3000.
Zhao: It is not.
Fan: 2000, 2500, 3000, 3500, 4000, 4500, 5000.
Zhao: Ah.
Fan: wow.
Health: I remember correctly, it is because you shout of.
Fan: wrong, wrong, Big Brother, I Jianwan 4000, you shout 5,000 direct, right?
Audience:!
Zhao: This ah, the chaos. Since Zagelia, you agree collection, Let's shout once again, is not listening to understand that this is the 5,000 who in the end the shouting. From how many?
Health: 2000.
Fan: I, 2000.
Zhao: (charged vert