雅思写作大神进来!关于复议的!越来越多的小孩子在课堂上难以集中注意力.问：原因和解决办法.我的文章：It is not uncommon to discuss the educational issue.Many students especially youngsters believe that it is t

雅思写作大神进来!关于复议的!越来越多的小孩子在课堂上难以集中注意力.问：原因和解决办法.我的文章：It is not uncommon to discuss the educational issue.Many students especially youngsters believe that it is t
雅思写作大神进来!关于复议的!
越来越多的小孩子在课堂上难以集中注意力.问：原因和解决办法.
我的文章：
It is not uncommon to discuss the educational issue.
Many students especially youngsters believe that it is tough to pay attention in the class.In my observation,there are two main reasons for this problem.
Firstly,school puts the heavy burdon upon the backs of these kids.In order to seek a better future for these children,the curricula of school is generally full.Besides,most of these curricula is hard to learn.Once a student cannot finish his homework because it is too difficult,it will weaken his motivation indeed.So it is reasonable that he cannot concentrate at school anymore.
In addition,many temptations are in this changing world.The intuition of children is play,not to mention that there is a variety of computer games do attract children’s eyes.For example,a very popular game called LOL is endearing to elementary students.In some cases,I can see that a primary school student spent all of his leisure time on playing that game regardless of homework,physical exercise and the like.To be honest,it seems like that no measure can stop it.
However,I strongly believe that there are some proposals can be taken to solve this problem.At first,schools are not supposed to provide too much homework for kids but to provide students with some recreational activities such as seek-and-hide,jumping rope and make-believegame.Without playing computer game and having a relax life,these kids will concentrate in class again.
How to teach and how to educate remains a question,but it is for sure that if we can think in children’s way,the solution for this issue will be more efficient.
本文成绩5.5
可以复议到6么?

雅思写作大神进来!关于复议的!越来越多的小孩子在课堂上难以集中注意力.问：原因和解决办法.我的文章：It is not uncommon to discuss the educational issue.Many students especially youngsters believe that it is t
说实话,我觉得几率蛮小的,你这篇文章用了太多的中式表达,还有非正规表达.比如kids,一般是不用在正式作文中的,应该用children或者pupils.
文章中有很多无效的表达和重复表达,比如第二段,many students,especially youngster,这里的youngster是无效表达,这使得你这个看上去比较高级的词汇失去了意义.再比如结尾段,how to teach and how to educate,其中一个完全可以删掉.
很多复杂句完全是中文的表达,中国人可以看懂,但是外国人看起来就会很困惑.
TF也不是特别好,solution提的有点太过粗糙了.
Anyway,希望你能够复议成功.不过复议的时间如此漫长,建议你再考一次,然后边复习边等结果,做好两手准备.