第一是帮我看看结构,语法,词汇运用有什么大的问题,之前有个人说我文章逗号运用过多,导致考官会无法明白我说什么?第二是给我建议,让我知道怎么提高第三是帮我评一下分~Nowadays,it has a res

第一是帮我看看结构,语法,词汇运用有什么大的问题,之前有个人说我文章逗号运用过多,导致考官会无法明白我说什么?第二是给我建议,让我知道怎么提高第三是帮我评一下分~Nowadays,it has a res
第一是帮我看看结构,语法,词汇运用有什么大的问题,之前有个人说我文章逗号运用过多,导致考官会无法明白我说什么?
第二是给我建议,让我知道怎么提高
第三是帮我评一下分~
Nowadays,it has a research,which tells an opinion that the inborn characteristics effecting individual on his personality and development overweigh than the experiences he will have alongside growth.Personally,I am not in favor of this respect.
As a matter of fact,the characteristics that child with when he was born,will make an impact on his childhood even adult life.This influence to his personality and development is initial and primitive; especially to personality,if last generations of a child,who is musicians,it gets a higher chance that the child will have interesting in music than other children,whose parents are doctors or policemen.In other words,in characteristics support the early life of individual.
However,if we consider it from a different perspective,experience is another effective way to shape one’s personality and development.A conversation,an action,a journey,and even thinking,all are experiences to our life; they are also shaping us at any moment.It seems can even rebuild one’s inborn characteristics.Take the tiger in the troupe for example,the tiger has its last generation’s characteristics such as brutal,however,after it went through training and taming,It becomes gentle,even knows how to perform,.Another instance is that a wolf-boy who was passed the human genes,unfortunately,he was fed up by wolves to grow,and then he learnt the habit and life style,which wolf leading.Moreover,the boy mourns and likes eating raw meat as a wolf.
To conclude,I would say that,like a cup of water and sands,cup represents individual’s personality and development,water and sands are response to inborn characteristic and life experiences.Sands poured into the cup like experiences filling individual’s life,as a result ,the water of the cup will increasingly reduce ,until instead by sands.

第一是帮我看看结构,语法,词汇运用有什么大的问题,之前有个人说我文章逗号运用过多,导致考官会无法明白我说什么?第二是给我建议,让我知道怎么提高第三是帮我评一下分~Nowadays,it has a res
顶多6分
effecting 如果说effect用作动词也就罢了 可也应该是effect that后面加从句就应该是正常语序了 that the inborn characteristics effecting
语法太差 你后面写的错误百出根本没法看
连基本语法单词都有问题 就更别说更高级的篇章布局 思维方式这些东西了
你还是学好语法吧
楼上的6.5不知道怎么给的 可见他也是个250

我觉得lz写的不错，论点鲜明，论据得当。如果我是考官感觉6.5应该没问题。标点我也没感觉。。我写也这么写。。标点不占很大评分标准啦 可以放心 提一点自己的拙见：最后一段杯子与水和沙的比喻有点抽象，不是对自己观点的总结和肯定。觉得结尾还是说的实在点好，毕竟开头和结尾都占很大比例。
没有听说increasingly reduce的。。这两个本身就是矛盾，到底是增加还是缩小啊，建议换成sl...

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我觉得lz写的不错，论点鲜明，论据得当。如果我是考官感觉6.5应该没问题。标点我也没感觉。。我写也这么写。。标点不占很大评分标准啦 可以放心 提一点自己的拙见：最后一段杯子与水和沙的比喻有点抽象，不是对自己观点的总结和肯定。觉得结尾还是说的实在点好，毕竟开头和结尾都占很大比例。
没有听说increasingly reduce的。。这两个本身就是矛盾，到底是增加还是缩小啊，建议换成slowly。 if last generations of a child 这句太别扭，想说孩子的上一代吧。首先last没加the 其次我觉得还是直接说parents直接点。。。如果真是四十分钟之内能想到这么多也算不容易了，如果我能在考试的时候想这么多就好了。
楼主什么时候考？

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