帮我看看这段话有没有语法上的错误?This story is about a high school girl,called Miya.She is a girl,who has a mother but no father.She is so common in his class that her teachers can't know her name.All of a sudden,when she is told that

帮我看看这段话有没有语法上的错误?This story is about a high school girl,called Miya.She is a girl,who has a mother but no father.She is so common in his class that her teachers can't know her name.All of a sudden,when she is told that
帮我看看这段话有没有语法上的错误?
This story is about a high school girl,called Miya.She is a girl,who has a mother but no father.She is so common in his class that her teachers can't know her name.All of a sudden,when she is told that she is a princess of another country---the future successor ,she is more than pleased.And then,she becomes a focus in media.However,after all,she was brought up in a poor family,and she has no elegant royal qualities.To train her to own these royal qualities,her grandmother spent great efforts on her .In her training,she would like to give up this position as princess ,so she faces a decision whether to be a princess or not.

帮我看看这段话有没有语法上的错误?This story is about a high school girl,called Miya.She is a girl,who has a mother but no father.She is so common in his class that her teachers can't know her name.All of a sudden,when she is told that
以下只是就原文做出的修改：
This story（既然是story,就应该全部用过去时.） is about a high school girl,called Miya.
She（建议用Miya） is（was） a girl,who has（had） a mother but no father.
She is（was） so common(common形容人不是很好,建议用ordinary) in his（应该是her） class that （建议加上even） her teachers can't（didn’t,不应该用can’t） know her name.
All of a sudden,when（when应该接过去时） she is（所以应该用was） told that she is（was） a princess of another country---the future successor ,she is（was） more than pleased.
And then,she becomes（became） a focus in media.
However,after all,（这两个词其实意思上重复,建议去掉after all）she was brought up in a poor family,and（brought up in a poor family和had no elegant royal quality并不是并列关系,而是因果关系,建议：For the reason that she was was brought up in a poor family,she had no elegant royal quality.） she has（had） no elegant royal qualities（既然前面用no,这里应该用单数quality）.
To train her to own these（these指代不明,前文根本没有提及指的是什么,应该用some） （建议加上elegant,因为上文有提及）royal qualities,her grandmother spent（spend） great efforts on her .
In her （her指代不明,应该用her grandmother’s） training,she would like to give up this （应该用the,this指代不明）position as princess（a princess 因为下面是a princess,而且也应该加a） ,so she faces（faced） a decision （face a decision?搭配不当.应该用face a problem）whether to be a princess or not.