雅思作文,求好心人改改语法,给个分.Q Some people says air travel only benefits rich people.Most average people take no advantages from development of airplane.To what extent do you agree or disagree?AQantas recently has established a new

雅思作文,求好心人改改语法,给个分.Q Some people says air travel only benefits rich people.Most average people take no advantages from development of airplane.To what extent do you agree or disagree?AQantas recently has established a new
雅思作文,求好心人改改语法,给个分.
Q Some people says air travel only benefits rich people.Most average people take no advantages from development of airplane.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A
Qantas recently has established a new airline between Sydney and Shanghai.In this age,more people can enjoy long distance travel conveniently as a result of the development of air travelling service.Despite this,some regards air travel is only beneficial for those financially advantaged but not the disadvantaged.Personally,I think air travel have brought enormous benefits to both the rich and the poor.
It is undeniable that the cost of air travel is still considerable,and sometime the price of an air ticket for the poor can probably mean all their wages for couple of months.Therefore,compared to the rich,it is reasonably not that simple for the people who just maintain an average level of income to afford the expense of air travel.The reason why people argue that air travel only benefits the financially advantaged is understandable.
In spite of the fact that air travel is relatively expensive,let not forget other benefits it has brought to public,both the rich and the poor.As the advancement of air travel,people have more chances to visit and work in global scope.For those who are not very wealthy but with intellectual skills,foreign labour market can be another career choice.For example,there are more foreign English language tutors in non-English speaking countries and those ESL tutors get better remunerations and that exactly expand their employment opportunities.In addition,because of the progress that air travel has made,the industry of tourism has developed very well in recent years.In other words,there are more job positions have been created to support the development in the industry and people have more career stages to show their talents.Moreover,the air travel industry itself has higher demand of labour force than before as well.More professional flight attendants have been recruited from Air China Airline Company is an optimistic example of that.Subsequently,the growth of global economy has been enhanced.
In conclusion,the development of air travel is a bless.I agree to the view that the cost of air travel is significant,however,the other valuable advantages it has brought to people should not be denied or understated.I believe,with enough caution and awareness,we can all better enjoy air travel and the related further boost of economic growth.

雅思作文,求好心人改改语法,给个分.Q Some people says air travel only benefits rich people.Most average people take no advantages from development of airplane.To what extent do you agree or disagree?AQantas recently has established a new
先说,我尽可能不修改内容,段落编排跟文章整体意义,只改语法跟不通顺的地方.
some (people,你暗喻了,所以后面请不要用plural）regards (regard,要singular) air travel is only beneficial for those financially advantaged but not the disadvantaged.
still considerable,==>
is still considerably expensive
still considerable to some (对部分人来说)
(implication 有些含糊) 所以我会建议把imply的意义写出来.
用了considerable to some,后面就不要用 sometime (sometime 请用 sometimes 因为你指的不是特定时段,是很多不同的时段,请用plural)
两个some字有点怪,找个同义的用吧(ie.at times)
all their wages for couple of months
I would say all their income (用收入来表示好过写成工资吧,毕竟工资并不代表收入)
for a couple of months (要加上"a" couple of months,就用couple of months是比较口语的,用来写作是不太好）我说话会用couple of (whatever) 但写作要用 a couple of xxx
Therefore,compared to the rich,it is reasonably not that simple for the people who just maintain an average level of income to afford the expense of air travel.这句子错grammar.
reasonably (adverb,是用来形容verb的) 去附加上 not that simple (noun)
你前面用reasonably 后面加上单字的verb .不然文法会错.
例如：reasonably difficult,reasonably hard (for people)
for people who (okay,别加the)
for those who (okay)
let not forget other benefits it has brought to public
it brought to public (别加has)
public 可用 the public / public 都可,用(the public指更大,指人类,而public 指的但是公众,比较"小“）
As the advancement of air transportation
visit and work in global scope (这字指的是很大,指的是范围,这里用些简单的就好,别搞到听起来怪怪的）visit and work in other areas (other parts of the world)
For those who are not very wealthy but with intellectual skills （智力技能?不通）
用with valuable skills,or with valuable technical skills （珍贵的技术技能/学识）
or technically knowledgeable or well-trained in certain specialized field
随便用一个吧
foreign labour market can be another career choice.(职业选择?不通)
foreign labour markets （要s,不然你要用the foreign labour market,单一的） could,very likely,offer many other job opportunities.（提供很多其他的工作机会）
For example,there are more foreign English language tutors in non-English speaking countries and those ESL tutors get better remunerations and that exactly expand their employment opportunities.
For example,there are more English language tutors in non-English speaking countries; those ESL tutors get better remunerations and that expand their employment opportunities.
foreign 和 english language tutors 不是文法问题,只是听起来很clumsy,好像有重覆的意思.
还有没关系段句你主用and去做连接,不太顺.把它们分开会好看点.
exactly 不知道你在emphasize 什麽,没意义的字,如果你真的要emphasize,倒不如说 and that as well expand their xxxx
In addition,because of the improvements (progress指进度,这里不适用,用字问题,倒不如写进步) that air travel industries (请用航空事业,并不是单一的航空）made,the tourism industry has developed very well in recent years
因航空事业的进步,XXXXX (这样比较通顺）
In other words,there are more job positions have been created to support the development in the industry and people have more career stages to show their talents.
more jobs are created to support the development of the industry,and this as well set stage for many to apply their talents and further develop their skills.（很难改,重写了）
还有别搞太多past / past participle 出来 (have been/ has been / have had blah blah blah etc.)
用平平整整的写,这样对考试来说比较保险.反正在说一些facts 出来,并没有过去现在之分.
optimistic example （乐观的例子?）文法没错,但不通顺
用positive example 吧…… （正面的例子）
we can all better enjoy air travel and together further boost economic growth.
主要是,用词不够贴切.意义未能完善地表达出来.有些clumsy的感觉（就是硬要把很多词汇加进去但搞到句子听起来怪怪的）.
整编文法错误也不算厉害.但简单的例如single plural 跟 tense 就别搞错太多.加上内容到后来并不是十分对题,感觉有点像在拼字数交功课……,并没有真正说明制作飞机技术的进步,对空中交通只能对有钱人有好处多做作辩解.感觉在旁边打游击,写不到重点.
文法要没错才能拿得到较高分数(8-10),之后还要看内容等等.如我要给分只能给你55-60%.
从文章我能看到你背了不少的接词,对做句也有下过一番功夫,但文字功力不够.
文法错太厉害的文章我根本不会理会,所以我会回覆就代表你写的我还可以修改,并不算惨不忍睹（笑）

雅思本身是为了检验你的在国外的生存能力，表现出你能象一个成熟的英国同龄人思考是十分重要的。 像developed very well 之类的就不应该出现了。总的来说，还是不错的。给7.5分。

不错哦，80分以上