请英语达人帮忙改改作文,The speakers assert that the conservation of the energy need the international cooperation,not the individual sacrifice .I strongly support the opinion,as we all know that there is no real relationship between two co

请英语达人帮忙改改作文,The speakers assert that the conservation of the energy need the international cooperation,not the individual sacrifice .I strongly support the opinion,as we all know that there is no real relationship between two co
请英语达人帮忙改改作文,
The speakers assert that the conservation of the energy need the international cooperation,not the individual sacrifice .I strongly support the opinion,as we all know that there is no real relationship between two country,only the political and economic interest which is the true factor determine the extent of the friendship,so it is impossible that one country sacrifice for other countries voluntarily and gets no thing.Based on this point,I think the international cooperation is critical for the energy conservation.
First of all .I want to take the United Nations as an example which can illustrate my point clearly .Why was the UN established and what is the purpose?The UN was formally established after the world War Two (WWT)in order to strengthen the connections among the world countries and to prevent the big scale of destructive war like the WWT.More than sixty years has been passed ,the performance of UN is palpable,it had played a key role in the international affairs more than once ,it rescue many innocent lives in the Africa and diminish countless regional wars .all in all ,the establishment of UN was predictable and great success .the example about the UN can be applied to solve the problem regarding the energy conservation,in this things ,we also need a worldwide cooperation to set an agreement or deal protecting the energy .
Secondly ,though some individual countries can make concessions sacrificing themselves to benefit others ,these behaviors is helpless for the big plan .Because the distribution of energy is not centered on one country or two countries ,the effort of one or two countries is less ,we need many countries’ cooperation .,only by this ,we can accomplish the goal the energy conservation.
In conclusion,according to the success experience of establishment of UN and the geographical distribution of energy ,the international cooperation is necessary for the energy conservation.
作文题目是:"期望单个国家肚子做出牺牲是以保存能源是不可能的,如果我们要为后代保护地球上的能源,国际领导和全球范围内的合作是必不可少的".请讨论你在多大程度上同意或者不同意以上的观点.大家细心给改下,不怕被喷,只求能进步!改的好的有加分!希望能在用词和句式上给改进.

请英语达人帮忙改改作文,The speakers assert that the conservation of the energy need the international cooperation,not the individual sacrifice .I strongly support the opinion,as we all know that there is no real relationship between two co
第一段 最后一小段
the example about the UN can be applied to solve the problem regarding the energy conservation, in this things ,we also need a worldwide cooperation to set an agreement or deal protecting the energy .
in this things == things 最好不要在正规语中出现
用 issue 或其他词代替
or deal pertecting the energy
可以改成
or to deal with energy pertection
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Secondly 这段
.Because the distribution of energy is not centered on one country or two countries , the effort of one or two countries is less ,we need many countries’ cooperation .,
we need many contries's cooperation
可以改成
we should have alliance with other contries.
我看到这里了,希望对你帮助!
等再有高手看吧,写的挺好的.