求大牛雅思小作文批改!TEXT 1 的小作文,帮忙改下错,平下分.The graph describes the portion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three countries---USA,Sweden and Japan.As shown in the graph,an increment of the

求大牛雅思小作文批改!TEXT 1 的小作文,帮忙改下错,平下分.The graph describes the portion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three countries---USA,Sweden and Japan.As shown in the graph,an increment of the
求大牛雅思小作文批改!TEXT 1 的小作文,帮忙改下错,平下分.
The graph describes the portion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three countries---USA,Sweden and Japan.As shown in the graph,an increment of the rate of old people is expected.
In 1940,the proportion of population aged 65 and more was extremely low,which the figure of these countries stood at 9%(in USA),8%(in Sweden) and only 5%(in Japan).Then,by the end of the 1980 ,the number of the old people in USA and Sweden had experienced a dramatic growth ,arriving at 15% and 14% respectively;by contrast,Japan had saw a slight decrease,after that,it had reminded approximate 3% by the corresponding period .Subsequently,there were some fluctuation,but it is predicted that the rate of the elder will descend by around 10% in USA and sweden.
After 1980,Japanese old people had an upward trend consistantly.The portion of population aged 65 and over in Japan will overtake Sweden and USA in 2030.The USA,Sweden and Japen will reach the similar point.
拼写错误可以忽略,呵呵.第一次写小作文.

求大牛雅思小作文批改!TEXT 1 的小作文,帮忙改下错,平下分.The graph describes the portion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three countries---USA,Sweden and Japan.As shown in the graph,an increment of the
The graph describes the portion of the population above aged 65 between 1940 and 2040 in the three countries---USA,Sweden and Japan.As shown in the graph,it is expected to have increments in the rate of old people .
In 1940,the proportion of population above age 65 remained extremely low,as the figure of these countries stood at 9%(in USA),8%(in Sweden) and only 5%(in Japan).However by the end of the 1980 ,the number of old people in USA and Sweden had dramatically grown ,arriving at 15% and 14% respectively; by contrast,it had indicated a slight decrease in Japan ,then reminded approximate 3% in the corresponding period .Subsequently,fluctuation showed ,but had been predicted that the rate of the elder was going to descend around 10% in both USA and sweden.
After 1980,the number of Japanese old people had been consistently toward an upward trend .The portion of population above age 65 in Japan will overtake it of Sweden and USA in(around?) 2030.Clearly,the circumstances of USA,Sweden and Japen will reach the similar point.

写的挺好。