求批改雅思作文!剑八上的.写得不好,求达人批改谢谢With the world economic fast developing,the average weight of people is increasing while their levels of health are decreasing.There are some main reasons below.\x05Life conditions

求批改雅思作文!剑八上的.写得不好,求达人批改谢谢With the world economic fast developing,the average weight of people is increasing while their levels of health are decreasing.There are some main reasons below.\x05Life conditions
求批改雅思作文!剑八上的.写得不好,求达人批改谢谢
With the world economic fast developing,the average weight of people is increasing while their levels of health are decreasing.There are some main reasons below.
\x05Life conditions are dramatically improved,especially on aspect of eating.During the war period,which was full of pains,people deeply suffered from hunger.Actually people can afford eating meats,fish,and other expensive food,even shark’s fin and sea-ear.They always eat so much that both weight and health problems are increasing.In fact,the energy they get every day is much more than what they need.As a result,the better their life becomes,the fatter they are.
\x05Moreover,people do not like moving about,even only going for a walk after dinner.Nowadays people often sit in the office all the day with no movement at all.Under the strong pressure,they have no time to have a rest for a while,with ceaseless tasks.In the evening,after having the dinner with family,people always go directly to the front of the computer,or lie in sofa to watch TV.They never do sports,or any other out-doors activities.
\x05They should take measures for change.The most effective way,I think,is to control their eating.People are supposed to eat less meat and various vegetables.Besides,they should do sports every week in spite of ceaseless work.It is proposed that they can join the sports club and find a private coach,who will design a proper plan for them in order to decrease the weight.However,it is the most important to insist to dong sports as often as possible.
\x05Fatness and semi-health are serious problems all over the world,which draw attentions of more and more wise people.I hope that they can lose weight and live a really healthy life.

求批改雅思作文!剑八上的.写得不好,求达人批改谢谢With the world economic fast developing,the average weight of people is increasing while their levels of health are decreasing.There are some main reasons below.\x05Life conditions
Nowadays,the world economic is developing fast.Which somehow causes the average weight of people is increasing while their levels of health are decreasing.There are reasons for that:【开头跳跃的太快,你应该加点东西好让“developing fast”和你的观点联系在一起,增加量惯性和逻辑性】
\x05People's life conditions are dramatically improved,especially in aspect of eating.During the war ,people deeply suffered from hunger.But now people can afford eating meats,fish,or ever expensive food such like shark’s fin and sea-ear.people eat too much that both their weight and health problems are increasing.The energy they get everyday is much more than what they need.As a result,the better their life are,the "stronger" they are.【直接指出别人“fat”是非常不礼貌的,在你表明观点的时候可以点一下,但反复出现会让读者觉得你很无礼而降低对你的印象分.（万一你得改考官就是个胖子呢?）所以写东西圆滑一点,胖可以有很多种表达方式,用“strong”代替 能表达你的观点还能显示出你的幽默又不至于得罪人,何乐而不为?其次,还是上面提到的逻辑性问题,可多加入连词加以改善】
\x05Moreover,people do not move much like thy did inthe past.Even not going for a small walk after dinner.People have no choise but sit in their office all day under the stressful pressure;they have no time to have a rest due to their ceaseless tasks.In the evening,after the hardwork all day long,people prefer to have some rest like sitting in the front of their computer,or lie in sofa watching TV rather than doing exersice.There is never the right time for them to exersice,do sports,or any other out-doors activities.It may sounds pathetic ,but it's true.
\x05They should take measures for change.In my opinion,the most effective way is to control their eating.People are supposed to eat less meat and various vegetables.Besides,they should try to do sports every week in spite of ceaseless work.It is proposed that joining in a sports club and finding a private coach,who will design a proper plan for them might help.Most importantly,people should insist to doing sports constantly as often as possible.
\x05Fatness and semi-health are serious problems all over the world,which draw attentions of more and more people.If one were to follow all the measures above ,I'm sure that they will avoid all these probloms and live a really healthy life.【还是那句话别开口闭口fatfat的,会遭人嫌的...换种说法吧,你已经在本段首提过“fatness”后面就没必要说“fatpeople”了吧..最后说写总结性强的话就差不多啦】
总建议.你的文章结构不够紧凑,逻辑不够严密,这些都是有很大提升空间的地方,应该多写点文章练练笔,做到了就是作文6分和7分的区别,加油啊!