求修改雅思作文!The recent years has witnessed a heated discussion over education .Some people take the view that it is justified for teanger to learn skills to earn money because that play a vital role in life.From my perspective this point of

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求修改雅思作文!Therecentyearshaswitnessedaheateddiscussionovereducation.Somepeopletaketheviewthatitisjustif

求修改雅思作文!The recent years has witnessed a heated discussion over education .Some people take the view that it is justified for teanger to learn skills to earn money because that play a vital role in life.From my perspective this point of
求修改雅思作文!
The recent years has witnessed a heated discussion over education .Some people take the view that it is justified for teanger to learn skills to earn money because that play a vital role in life.From my perspective this point of view can hold water.first of all,learning the skills of manage money allowed student facilitate practical abilities ,expand one's vision elevate hand-on capabilities and developing their creative wealth mind and survive ability.There for them to withstand the gestation period pave the way for rose future.

求修改雅思作文!The recent years has witnessed a heated discussion over education .Some people take the view that it is justified for teanger to learn skills to earn money because that play a vital role in life.From my perspective this point of
实在没法改,因为我可能会忍不住全部重写.这篇文章如果我打分,4分.因为读起来不通而且像翻译机器里面直接复制粘贴过来的不知道你自己读有没有这样的感觉.
我不知道你题目是什么,但是我建议你在第一段讨论some people的时候最好这一句话是和你的观点相对立的,而不是和你的观点相同然后你最后来一句附和.而且陈述自己观点不要用什么that statement,或者 this opinion这种代词.然后你用了education这样一个很广义的词来开头我觉得很不好.我改了一点点句型但是没改你的意思.
你的问题很明确.就是句型没有用好就急于用长句和大词来使整个文章看起来很牛逼.
记住写作不是一味去使用看起来高大上的词,而是用对的词!
建议还是从基础写作开始练习吧,不要急于求成.尽量使用短句.
第一段你可以再加点内容,不然读上去感觉很单薄,不丰满.
你可以不用理会我下面改的,第二段我不知道你想表达什么所以我基本没怎么改.然后你的论点和你的观点感觉不是很一致.建议用总分总来写每一个论点,也可以举例,如果需要的话.
写文章前先列个提纲,然后对着提纲写.
少用尽量不用代词,因为你指代不清,很容易犯语法错误.
全文单复数和冠词一定要一致.
加油,好好写吧.
Education,a controversial issue,has been discussed a lot in recent years.Some people maintain that the more skills teenagers learn,the better life they will have in the future.From my perspective,.First of all,learning skills of managing money allows young people to.It enables them to expand a person's .

说实在的，木大看懂。。。

5.5分是有的，如果句式再丰富点可以到6或6.5，首段看到你的论点是有倾向性的，但是正反观点描述的时候所占比例又差不多一样，一般赞同的观点，论据描述会多点。
是否可以解决您的问题？

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