请高手帮我评分```雅思作文TASK1The graph illustrates the trend of old people's age in three countries from 1940 to 2000,as well as an estimation from 2000to 2004.We could see the number of people aged 65 or above increase gradually and at p

请高手帮我评分```雅思作文TASK1The graph illustrates the trend of old people's age in three countries from 1940 to 2000,as well as an estimation from 2000to 2004.We could see the number of people aged 65 or above increase gradually and at p
请高手帮我评分```雅思作文TASK1
The graph illustrates the trend of old people's age in three countries from 1940 to 2000,as well as an estimation from 2000to 2004.We could see the number of people aged 65 or above increase gradually and at present,the life span of American and Swedish is much longer than Japanese.
From 1940 to 1960,the rate of Japansese old decrease slightly,followd by a steady rate at about 3%,and then increase a little from 1990 to2030,reaching 10% of its total population.Suprisingly,a sharp jump about 25% is estimated after 2030.
剑5 TEST1
On the other hand,no such obvious changes happen in the propotion of people about 65 and over.It is suprise to detect jumps of number in both countries from 1940 to 1990 are about the same,from the two parellel lines.What is different is that Swedish old will increase much faster than that of American,and peaking at 20% at around 2010.After some fluctuation,old people in both countries will continue to increase at the same rate after 2030.(about 210words)
不好意思```那个剑5 TEST1 应该是写在最上面的``5555

请高手帮我评分```雅思作文TASK1The graph illustrates the trend of old people's age in three countries from 1940 to 2000,as well as an estimation from 2000to 2004.We could see the number of people aged 65 or above increase gradually and at p
第二句：we can see...increased..
第二段第一句：decreased
语法错误太多…几乎所有的过去时都用了一般时,我就不一一列出了
我按照雅思的评分标准给你打啦~
有四项：
语法：4.5（犯了n个低级语法错误）
词汇准确度：6.5（最好完全知道这个词应该怎么用才用它）
结构：6（你这种结构有点怪,但其实你大可以分成3段,每段一个国家,这样会清晰很多）
对图表的反映：6
总分：6分
这只是我的评价,不一定代表你的真实水平,但你的语法真的是…不过这个很容易提高,你写完一定要自己查一遍!
因为我的书借给了别人,所以看不到图表,但感觉有点混乱…
注意提高语法!还有一些细节也应该注意!
还有一个建议：不要用太复杂的句型,用之前一定要弄懂意思!还有时态啊,被动啊,都很容易错的,一定要检查啊!
ps我作文是7分,所以你也不用全信我…