求改英语作文Jack still remember ,twenty years ago ,hedetermined not to wander in the mountains,he resolutely to explore the outsideworld,so he left the hometown and his parent with a coarse yellowpaper on the table.Yes,he left the picturesque s

求改英语作文Jack still remember ,twenty years ago ,hedetermined not to wander in the mountains,he resolutely to explore the outsideworld,so he left the hometown and his parent with a coarse yellowpaper on the table.Yes,he left the picturesque s
求改英语作文
Jack still remember ,twenty years ago ,hedetermined not to wander in the mountains,he resolutely to explore the outsideworld,so he left the hometown and his parent with a coarse yellowpaper on the table.Yes,he left the picturesque scenery rustic,theindustrious villagers and his parents.His heart toward the bustling city and drawthe brilliant piece of the attractive lights .
In fact with his ability ,Jack is capableto live peacefully in the hometown.The land and crops he receive is fully enoughfor his life.But with some strange reason,in his eyes here is barren,becausejack’s dream is not here,but outside.
Left the town,Jack discovered a world offlying dream,he is attracted by the different culture women,the hundredslevel building and the world top fast cars that can dump other few streets behindall are the thing that deeply attracted him,he though “yes” this is the lifehe always wanted and he is going to open a world that belong to him.
Ten years fly away in the gap of the fingerjust like a twinkle of moment.And Jack?he finally become a genuine bossbecause of his perseverance and persistence.Now he is driving the Rolls-Royceand living in a nice villa.There is also a few shrewd but loyalty secretarywho around him and take care of everything,proudly ride on the wide asphaltroad ,his face radiant.
主要是语法的一些问题,

求改英语作文Jack still remember ,twenty years ago ,hedetermined not to wander in the mountains,he resolutely to explore the outsideworld,so he left the hometown and his parent with a coarse yellowpaper on the table.Yes,he left the picturesque s
首先一个大问题,你用了很多逗号,英语里是没有逗号的,只有句号,也就是一句话要有一套完整的句子结构,不能断,第一句就有很多问题,是中文的写法,你需要系统学习一下语法,要不然很难纠正过来