一个我自己写的句子不知道语法上有什么错误 具体的句子在补充中 并帮忙已成下中文A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology applied to mang military field.It

一个我自己写的句子不知道语法上有什么错误 具体的句子在补充中 并帮忙已成下中文A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology applied to mang military field.It
一个我自己写的句子不知道语法上有什么错误 具体的句子在补充中 并帮忙已成下中文
A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology applied to mang military field.It is significant that the troop enrolls talent who possessed professional knowledge from university.

一个我自己写的句子不知道语法上有什么错误 具体的句子在补充中 并帮忙已成下中文A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology applied to mang military field.It
extremely修饰demand不太好吧?“极其需要”?有点儿汉语式英语的感觉,还不如把extremely去掉.
mang military field是什么?many military fields?
troop用复数才能表示部队、军队.
possess不应该用过去式,应该用单三possesses.

A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology applied(to apply) to mang military field.It is significant that the troop enrolls talent who poss...

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A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology applied(to apply) to mang military field.It is significant that the troop enrolls talent who possessed professional knowledge from university.
大批的大学生都渴望参军，部队是个极需要先进科学技术运用到各个军事领域的地方，所以从大学招募才学兼备的大学生是非常有意义的。

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正确，应该没有什么问题

A large number of undergraduates are eager to join the army that extremely demands advanced technology application to many military fields.It is significant that the troop enrolls talents who possess professional knowledge from university.

a large number of undergraduates IS eager to join the army that EXTENSIVELY demands advanced technology TO BE applied to THE mang military field. (the next sentence you wrote is so messed up grammatically i'm going to rewrite it) It is also important that the enrolling cadets are college educated.