自写雅思作文求高手打分 谢谢!Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people to do

自写雅思作文求高手打分 谢谢!Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people to do
自写雅思作文求高手打分 谢谢!
Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people to do this.
In the contemporary society, the importance of education and experience has been gaining its significance among students. Whether students should participate in social activities before the entrance of university has sparked hot debates.
According to surveys of education experts, students with work or travel experience tend to study easier, for it can not only help students concentrate better on their study but also benefit form a effective studystyle. Students would like to show their capabilities during study, which they acquired from early experience, such as communicating with others, and these beneficial practices, enable them to be more self-confidence. Another equally important factor is that the knowledge students acquire from travel, ranging from fantastic structures in metropolis to different lifestyles in different cities, give rise to the eye-open of students.
Another people argue that hanging out for one year may lead to considerable injury to young people. Take robbery as a case, once vulnerable pupils travel to someplace they are not familiar, it is likely for them to suffer attack from robbers. What is more, These apparently helpful experience, may result in the bored among their study, since they have earned a great deal of money from work. On the top of it, students are not allowed to stop their studies in the middle way to work or travel in our country. Otherwise, students will be banned to attend the entrance examination by the officers of the university, although they are reluctant to do this.
As far as i am concerned, taking part in social activities before entering higher school is depend on the local law.In our country, once a child give up the chance of entrance examination, they will never go back to school. Relevantly, the government should pay more attention to the supervision of the laws toward students, which is also indispensable to construct a better circumstance for children.

自写雅思作文求高手打分 谢谢!Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people to do
5.5左右
整体比较模板化,能看出来.
310字有一点点多了,不过如果没超时的话没问题.
刻意写长句子,结果增加了语法错误.滥用虚拟语气（或者是用错时态?第二句中间某一句）,不要滥用连接词,不是每一个句子前面都要加模板句或连接词的,太刻意了.
词性也有用错的,例如depend是动词,is depend on-->depends on,be more self-confidence-->最后一个词是名词啊,改成build self-confidence或be more confident
有些词也用得不太恰当,用自己熟悉的词写简单点的句子吧,减少语法错误,每3处就要扣一次分的
内容方面,有些论据不太恰当,注意逻辑关系和扣题.
建议多练习,除了慎小嶷的书外看本别的作文书.（他的十天和6-9分都是很好的书,必看的.但是只看一个人的书自己也会有点僵化了）