呕心沥血写的雅思大作文,请名师高手点评打分,感激不尽popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe

呕心沥血写的雅思大作文,请名师高手点评打分,感激不尽popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe
呕心沥血写的雅思大作文,请名师高手点评打分,感激不尽
popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.
以下是文章
The issues of some huge sporting competitions among countries are tending to benefit the international conflict and patriotic emotion has been proposed these days.Most of people say that such a popular event really have positive effect on various country contradictory,which is completely agreed by me.
In the first place,international sporting events are likely to improve the relationship and promote the peace of countries.As for the Olympic Games ,which is held every four years and well advised to be participated in the games as numerous countries as possible.That makes a great sense that mot only to achieve the individual success,but also win the respect and love from other nations.If a country support to attend the competition,that means he is a member of the whole world.Even though he is in the situation of war,he should consider stopping fighting.Therefore,sporting activities are significant influenced the world development,especially the international combat.
In the second place,the national clash can be solved through the reward when a person or a team wins the honor.No one can suspect that a man who gets the top prize,he will be proud of himself as well as the nation he comes from.As a result,the sporting occasions also make contribution to the national unity and make up the minority ethnic groups as an entire family.
Finally,we comes from different country,have different skin color,but we have the same dream.The athletes work together to accomplish the prize,meanwhile,stimulating their patriotic emotion in a right way.Besides,they can learn better through country to country during the period time of competition.
In conclusion,the well-known sporting occasions influenced positively on international relationship without any doubt.To hold the peace of world,spread the friendship to every one.that is the real spirit of international sport meeting.

呕心沥血写的雅思大作文,请名师高手点评打分,感激不尽popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe
最高5分.
用的是最普遍的模板.考官只要看每段的第一句就知道了.
这模板考官都看怕了.
而且每个培训中心的老师都会说,不要再用类似frist.second这种表达方式,都用烂了,一出这样的句子,分数怎么都高不了.
用模板要用不泛滥的.
最后的finally跟in conclusion也是非常泛滥的说法.
如果你去参加考试,在开始考写作之前,考官都会说一遍考试规则,然后,大部分老外都说,不要再用模板了,例如blah.blah.blah的冒出一句模板.
所以.建议楼主买本慎小嶷老师的《10天突破雅思写作》,里面的模板起码比较有深度.不过不要全部依赖里面的模板,还是要有自己的东西.
还有,文章没有连接词啊,连接词在评分里面也是很重要的,你去让老师给你分评分标准,你就会看到里面有这项,而且每个老师都会说,尽量在每句上都用上连接词,要用的巧妙,不要太过平白.

感觉skin colour这个用的不是很恰当~~

very good