请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文.（语法和用词）万分感谢1：大学生出去旅游经常会选择“自助游”2：分析大学生选择“自助游”的原因3：你的看法Nowadays,more and more college students

请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文.（语法和用词）万分感谢1：大学生出去旅游经常会选择“自助游”2：分析大学生选择“自助游”的原因3：你的看法Nowadays,more and more college students
请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文.（语法和用词）万分感谢
1：大学生出去旅游经常会选择“自助游”
2：分析大学生选择“自助游”的原因
3：你的看法
Nowadays,more and more college students will choose self-help travel instead of travel with a group when they want to spare a time to relax themselves.
Self-help travel,one can enjoy more freedom.The travelers can arrange their tour as they wishes without the limit of travel agency .Moreover ,they can buy something by themselves and avoid the compulsory consumption.At last,if the students like a beautiful scenic and they will have more time to leave it and take a photograph.
As to me ,I prefer to the travel with a group.Firstly,it can save more money.Secondly,I like to share the pleasure of traveling with others.Lastly,we can deal with the possible problems and difficulties better in the journey.

请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文.（语法和用词）万分感谢1：大学生出去旅游经常会选择“自助游”2：分析大学生选择“自助游”的原因3：你的看法Nowadays,more and more college students
不要老用nowadays 感觉很傻.并且不要写这么又长又不通顺的话 一句话包含了两个意思 就拆成两句话写.
可以这样写.
Currently, more and more college students chooses to travel on their own rather than travel packed by traveling agency.This is because they want time to relax.
第二段以一句话 改成被动语句.
Freedom would be released if the self-traveling has been chosen.
第二句话
The travelers can manage the touring time arbitrarily without any consideration on time limit.
不要写at last, 就Thus, more time will be given for people to take photos and enjoy the scenery.(这句话接在第二句后面 都是讲的时间 并且这个是没有时间限制的一个结果.真是 逻辑真混乱)
然后再Moreover, travelers can buy stuffs without the orientation imposed by the travelling agency.This will maximize the benefit of the travellers.不要老是they. 而且这句话一点都不通顺
As to me可以删了. 一看就是很不专业的用法. 什么As known to all啊 这些词语 在写作尽量不要用 看着很低级.
直接 However, I prefer... 不要it, this都要好点. pleasure改成happiness
差不多这些. 写作还是要注意一个逻辑. 当然语言是慢慢训练过来的 大学了 写作要摆脱中学老师教的那种思维 还有那些弱智般的词汇.