刚写了一篇托福作文,觉得有很多问题,跪求批改,谢谢!It has recently been announced that a large shopping mall is about to be built in our neighborhood. However, when asked about whether we support this plan or not, different people

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刚写了一篇托福作文,觉得有很多问题,跪求批改,谢谢!Ithasrecentlybeenannouncedthatalargeshoppingmallisabouttobebuiltinourneigh

刚写了一篇托福作文,觉得有很多问题,跪求批改,谢谢!It has recently been announced that a large shopping mall is about to be built in our neighborhood. However, when asked about whether we support this plan or not, different people
刚写了一篇托福作文,觉得有很多问题,跪求批改,谢谢!
It has recently been announced that a large shopping mall is about to be built in our neighborhood. However, when asked about whether we support this plan or not, different people may offer different opinions. Some may suggest that there is no need to waste so much money to build it, because there are already enough grocery stores for them to buy anything they want; besides, the construction of the shopping mall will create a lot of noises, and therefore disturbs our daily lives. On the contrary, there are also many people who strongly support this plan, because they believe that building a shopping mall is more beneficial to the people in our neighborhoods; in fact, I am one of them, and I would like to point put the following two points to support my belief.
First, a very important benefit in having a shopping center in the neighborhood is the convenience it provides. Apparently, we can save lots of time by going shopping in a big shopping center, because it provides all kinds of goods from daily necessaries to valuable jewelry, virtually everything we may need. Without a shopping center, we may have to visit several stores so that we could get all the things we need, it is really inconvenient to us. Besides, due to its excellent cost control, the commodity prices in a big shopping center is always lower than those of a small grocery store, which means we could also save some money by going shopping in a shopping center.
Second, another reason for having a shopping center is that it will increase the property values of the neighborhood. Since most house buyers would be more willing to buy a house where there is a big shopping mall nearby, the demand for real estate in the neighborhood would be greatly increased, hence its price would certainly be higher. As for the property owners, anything that adds value to their property is of course a much-welcomed benefit.
In conclusion, I definitely believe that building a big shopping center in the neighborhood is more beneficial to us, because it can enable us to go shopping more conveniently and increase the value of our property at the same time.

刚写了一篇托福作文,觉得有很多问题,跪求批改,谢谢!It has recently been announced that a large shopping mall is about to be built in our neighborhood. However, when asked about whether we support this plan or not, different people
第一段问题比较多:你在一段话里用的there be句式有点太多了,而且过于集中.其实外国人不是很常用there be的,而且你的那两句完全可以改的更简洁一点,有这两个there be反而显得很累赘.
最后一句I am one of them,them是指那些人?前面那类还是后面那类?这在语法上叫指代不清.而且表明观点的最后一句是多重要的一句啊,你不能这样说的不清不楚,一带而过.你就把改卷子的想成一小孩,说的那么含糊老外脑袋转不过来的.
还有,你不觉得第一段和后面几段比,有些太长了吗,喧宾夺主了.原因很简单,模板痕迹太重,导致说话不简洁.因为你想使劲套用进模板里,就显得文章头重脚轻.其实里面一些反对的观点,你完全可以拿出来放到总结前面,自成一段让步段.这样文章就有了五段,也不会显得头重脚轻的.
我大致看了一下,后面的观点啊,陈述啊都写的不错,唯一缺少的就是例子.孩子,缺解释你也不能缺例子啊,观点+解释+例子,缺一不可!老外这方面比较死板,你就当八股文写吧.
千万不能缺例子!而且一个观点就要一个例子!(不过我前面说的让步段就算了.毕竟让步段不是文章主体.)

刚写了一篇托福作文,觉得有很多问题,跪求批改,谢谢!It has recently been announced that a large shopping mall is about to be built in our neighborhood. However, when asked about whether we support this plan or not, different people 为什么我写作文越写越差本来刚上初中的时候作文都95分以上的,结果越往后越不好,有一次只有89分.前几天我写了一篇作文,自己觉得蛮不错,结果批了83分,说我写的是流水账.我书读得很多,是 托福综合写作综合写作的问题,觉得听都听懂了,但是落笔写的时候很多东西表达不清楚,一些没有记录下的东西,写到后来就有些忘记了.练了也有很多了,就觉得写得比较僵. 跪求国内旅游好还是国外旅游好?托福作文请前辈帮忙写一篇, 求一篇我有一个梦想作文,800字,自己刚写的! 求一篇用德语写的关于德国与中国国情的作文,最好是稍微简单一点的,因为本人刚接触德语,了解的不是很多,但是作为作业要交,所以没办法了, 托福第一篇作文怎么写 已知a-b=2,ab=1.求a²-b² 的值 我一开始总觉得题目有问题,写了很多方法都没答案,求高手中的高已知a-b=2,ab=1.求a²-b² 的值 我一开始总觉得题目有问题,写了很多方法都没答案, 为什么我自我觉得我的托福写作写得很好,却才得21分呢我是6月7号考的,考完就觉得作文考得不错,该有的内容和细节都有,衔接得也不错,而且还用了一些俚语,句子和词汇也很多样化,而且对于 写了一篇托福作文,希望能得到一些意见和建议,文章主要都是自己发挥,不太想用模板,觉得这样会有些枯燥,而且对长期的写作帮助不大.所以写得比较随意,可能问题会比较多,虚心赐教,People tod 新托福写作中的综合写作问题我觉得其实写起来不难,但是就怕偏离主题了、.请问有什么好办法能不偏题吗. 托福作文复议,我上次 29 28 22 24,这次作文写的明显比上次好,但是29 28 24 22.两次隔了很久也有所提高这次字数比上次多很多,也有检查,我不服.该不该复议,觉得即使复议也不会再低 写了一篇作文,求评价, 求一篇以快乐为话题的作文,要写事的.题目可以没有“快乐”二字,但必须写快乐的事,读了之后要觉得好笑或开心此问题已作废- -谢谢前来回答的仁兄 托福听力应该如何提高?我现在刚开复习,有时候能听懂大意,但是到做题上因为有很多细节题,然后就记不起来了.求大侠宝贵经验! 写关于宽容的作文,我想写一篇关于“宽容”的作文,但是试了很多题目都觉得很庸俗.我希望能找一个简单明了,富有创意的一个作文题目. 写一篇刚军训完的作文写一二百字就行了 以“由一个问题产生很多争论”的题目写一篇300多字的作文