请帮忙看看这篇翻译有什么地方要改进鄙人英语水平有限,想翻译一些散文来自娱自乐,提高英语水平.不过没人指点也不知对错.I dislike the man who turn off his phone at 0:00.In the night,you miss him suddenly

请帮忙看看这篇翻译有什么地方要改进鄙人英语水平有限,想翻译一些散文来自娱自乐,提高英语水平.不过没人指点也不知对错.I dislike the man who turn off his phone at 0:00.In the night,you miss him suddenly
请帮忙看看这篇翻译有什么地方要改进
鄙人英语水平有限,想翻译一些散文来自娱自乐,提高英语水平.不过没人指点也不知对错.
I dislike the man who turn off his phone at 0:00.
In the night,you miss him suddenly and are dying to tell him you like him.You get up the courage to get through his phone number,fancy that his telephone message comes over the line:
"I can't answer the phone now,please leave your name..."
There is nothing worse than you can only hear his message when you are lonely.
Sometimes,he doesn't turn off his telephone,but it is re-routed paging centers. In the night,you really want to hear his voice. Fancy that a formal voice pass when the phone is connected:
"Who's calling the owner?"
Should you paging him? Your half of heart have been cold. You tell the Paginger with disappointed:"Nothing."
Since he connects the mobile phone to paging centers, why did he buy a mobile.That is a bear!
In that deep of night,you would like to cry with him. After several scruple,you made his telephone and got his telephone answering machine. You said:"It is me..." Then you hanged up the phone depressedly.
You encountered him next day, he asked:"Did you find me yesterday? what happened?"
"Oh,no big deal. Nothing important." You can only reply this way.
原文来自张小娴
《昨天晚上找不到他》

最讨厌午夜十二点钟就把电话关掉的男人.
某天夜里,你忽然想念他,很想告诉他你喜欢他.你鼓起勇气拨通他的电话号码,谁知道电话那一头传来他的留言说：
"我现在不能接这通电话,请你留下姓名……"
有什么比寂寞时只能听到他的留言更讨厌?
有些时候,他并没有关掉手提电话,而是把电话转驳到传呼台.那个晚上,你好想听听他的声音,谁知道电话接通,却是一把刻板的声音问：
"哪一位找机主?"
要不要传呼他呢?你的心已经冷了半截,你失望地跟传呼员说："没事了."
既然把手提电话转驳到传呼台,那么要手提电话来干什么?真讨厌.
那个深夜,你好想向着他哭,你几经挣扎,拨通了他的电话号码,接电话的却是一台电话录音机,你说："是我……"然后沮丧地挂了线.
第二天碰到他,他问："你昨天是不是找过我,找我有什么事?"
"噢,没什么,只是一些不重要的事情罢了."你只好这样回答.

请帮忙看看这篇翻译有什么地方要改进鄙人英语水平有限,想翻译一些散文来自娱自乐,提高英语水平.不过没人指点也不知对错.I dislike the man who turn off his phone at 0:00.In the night,you miss him suddenly
I dislike that man who powers off at 0:00.
At night,you miss him suddenly and are eager to tell him you like him.You take heart of grace to get through his phone number,fancy that his telephone message comes over the line:
"I can't answer the phone now,please leave your name..."
There is nothing worse than that you can only hear his message when you feel lonely.
Sometimes,he doesn't power off,but it is re-routed paging centers.At night,you really want to hear his voice.Fancy that a formal voice passes when the phone is connected:
"Who's calling the owner?"
Should you paging him?Your half of heart have been cold.You tell the Paginger with disappointed:"Nothing."
Since he connects the mobile phone to paging centers,why did he buy a mobile.That is a bear!
In that deep of night,you would like to cry with him.After several scruple,you made his telephone and got his telephone answering machine.You said:"This is me..." Then you hanged up the phone depressedly.
You encountered him next day,he asked:"Did you call me yesterday?what happened?"
"Oh,no big deal.Nothing important." You can only reply this way.
在word里改的,本来改的地方都标示出来了,可效果没出来.

你已经翻译的很不错了，不过我的翻译是这样的，不知道可不可以？
Hate the midnight phone off the clock.
One night, you suddenly miss him and wanted to tell him you love him. Your courage dialed his telephone number, who knew t...

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你已经翻译的很不错了，不过我的翻译是这样的，不知道可不可以？
Hate the midnight phone off the clock.
One night, you suddenly miss him and wanted to tell him you love him. Your courage dialed his telephone number, who knew that he was a telephone message says:
"I can't come to the phone right now, please leave your name..."
What is the only hear him when loneliness message more annoying?
Sometimes, he did not turn off the telephone, mobile phone to pager stations. That evening, you want to hear his voice, who knows, is a telephone connected rigid voice ask:
"One of the main for?"
Don't call him? You have a cold, you were disappointed with the pager player said: "ok."
Since the mobile phone to pager stations, so to mobile phone? That's disgusting.
That night, you want to cry, he struggles, after you dialed his phone number, I answer the phone call, you are a tape recorder, said: "I..." Then upsetly hanged line.
Next up against him, he asked: "do you come to me yesterday, I have what matter?"
"Oh, nothing, just some of the important thing." You have to answer

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楼主还敢说你的英语不好阿，我看了都自惭形秽。翻译得不错，既然是散文就没必要追去那么严格啦。

in the deep of night 在深夜。