来改改这篇习作.Student Use of ComputersCoincident with conspicuous advancement of economy is the growing importance of computers.As is shown in the chart,there was a steady rise,which was followed by a sharp increase from 1995 to 2000.Behind t

来改改这篇习作.Student Use of ComputersCoincident with conspicuous advancement of economy is the growing importance of computers.As is shown in the chart,there was a steady rise,which was followed by a sharp increase from 1995 to 2000.Behind t
来改改这篇习作.
Student Use of Computers
Coincident with conspicuous advancement of economy is the growing importance of computers.As is shown in the chart,there was a steady rise,which was followed by a sharp increase from 1995 to 2000.Behind this trend,several factors,on my part,contribute to the dramatic change.To begin with,since industrialization made possible the manufacture of large quantities of goods,computers became inexpensive,which transformed them from an unaffordable luxury into a fashion accessory.In addition,this is partly due to genuine technology evolution; however,it is also partly the fruit of economy.The typical members of the public become growing better-off.All these give birth to the boom of student use of computers.As computers are gaining increasing popularity,they are followed by an array of serious problems.To name only a few,a host of college students are glued with computer games,such as CS game,which not only erodes our time-honored virtue,but also undercuts their glowing lives.Additionally,it is not uncommon that a multitude of students do not take sound advantage of computers but indulge in indecent data via net ,such as pornography.If not curved,littered data,like drugs,gradually corrode mind of adolescents.By and large,due to unfavorable spheres of the computers,a sea of teenagers are trapped inside a shell ."No gardens has no weeds." Fortunately ,most students,with no exception to me,know better than to be slaves but masters of computers.We are supposed to be sensible enough to absorb their essence and to resist their dark side.Only in this case,can we draw increasing revenues veritably and spice up our leisure time .
这是一篇别人的习作,我觉得还是不错的,想背诵一下,大家给看看有没有什么错误呢.
1)students are glued with computer games中with没错吧?
2corrode mind / virtue；erode mind / virtue能搭配吗?

来改改这篇习作.Student Use of ComputersCoincident with conspicuous advancement of economy is the growing importance of computers.As is shown in the chart,there was a steady rise,which was followed by a sharp increase from 1995 to 2000.Behind t
1,可以用,外国人能懂,不过标准的是用to
2,有corrode our confidence,没见过corrode mind
不过virtue应该是可以的,erode相同
corrode our confidence
corrode the statue
你为什么要背这文章啊?我的第一感觉是GRE作文
之后是英语辩论赛...
要是前者..还是提高一下自己的逻辑和思考能力
要是后者,你说出来后没人懂,除非你发音非常清晰标准,意群分的特好
要是就想提高一下,或者答辩什么的,换一篇吧
还有,这文章有的地方语法有点不通,有的词用的不十分恰当,还有的地方就象在故弄玄虚...这么说话给人一种不好的印象,尤其是自己没有那么高的语言驾御能力的时候..
本人一点拙见

计算机的学生使用
一致的与经济的显着进步是计算机的增加重要。 当在图解中被显示,有一个稳定的上升之时, 被锐利的增加跟随了从 1995 到 2000. 在这一个趋势之后，一些因素，在我的部份上，成为戏剧性的变化因素。 首先，因为工业化制造了货物的可能大量的产品,计算机变成廉宜,这把他们从无法负担的奢侈转变成一个流行配件。 除此之外，这部分是由于真正的技术进化; ...

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计算机的学生使用
一致的与经济的显着进步是计算机的增加重要。 当在图解中被显示,有一个稳定的上升之时, 被锐利的增加跟随了从 1995 到 2000. 在这一个趋势之后，一些因素，在我的部份上，成为戏剧性的变化因素。 首先，因为工业化制造了货物的可能大量的产品,计算机变成廉宜,这把他们从无法负担的奢侈转变成一个流行配件。 除此之外，这部分是由于真正的技术进化; 然而，它也部分是经济的水果。 典型民众变成增加比较好-走开。 所有的这些生下计算机的学生使用的繁荣。 就如计算机正在得到逐渐增加的名声,他们被严重问题的排列跟随。 命名只有一些,一群学院学生与像 CS 游戏这样的电脑游戏一起黏, 不但侵蚀我们的由来已久的德行 , 而且廉价出售他们的白热生命。 另外地，它不是不寻常的学生多数不轮流计算机的健全利益但是经由网沉迷于下流的数据 ,像是 pornography。 如果不弯,乱丢垃圾了数据,像药,逐渐地使腐蚀青少年的思想。 大体而言，由于计算机的不宜球体，青少年的海洋在一个贝壳里被困住。 " 没有花园没有杂草 " 。 幸运地 ,大多数的学生, 藉由没有例外对我, 不会傻到是计算机的奴隶但是主人。我们应该够有感觉来吸收他们的本质并且抵抗他们的黑暗边。 只有在这情况, 能我们真实地引起逐渐增加的收入，而且药料提高我们的空闲时间。

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为了方便大家修改,我给加了标号,还麻烦大家在改的时候先说明行号..谢谢了
Student Use of Computers
01 Coincident with conspicuous advancement of economy is the growing importance
02 of computers. As is shown in the chart,...

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为了方便大家修改,我给加了标号,还麻烦大家在改的时候先说明行号..谢谢了
Student Use of Computers
01 Coincident with conspicuous advancement of economy is the growing importance
02 of computers. As is shown in the chart, there was a steady rise, which was followed
03 by a sharp increase from 1995 to 2000.
04 Behind this trend, several factors, on my part, contribute to the dramatic
05 change. To begin with, since industrialization made possible the manufacture of
06 large quantities of goods, computers became inexpensive, which transformed them
07 from an unaffordable luxury into a fashion accessory. In addition, this is partly
08 due to genuine technology evolution; however, it is also partly the fruit of economy.
09 The typical members of the public become growing better-off. All these give birth to
10 the boom of student use of computers.
11 As computers are gaining increasing popularity, they are followed by an array
12 of serious problems. To name only a few, a host of college students are glued
13 with computer games, such as CS game, which not only erodes our time-honored
14 virtue, but also undercuts their glowing lives. Additionally, it is not uncommon
15 that a multitude of students do not take sound advantage of computers but indulge
16 in indecent data via net , such as pornography. If not curved, littered data,
17 like drugs, gradually corrode mind of adolescents. By and large, due to unfavorable
18 spheres of the computers, a sea of teenagers are trapped inside a shell .
19 "No gardens has no weeds." Fortunately ,most students, with no exception to me,
20 know better than to be slaves but masters of computers.We are supposed to be
21 sensible enough to absorb their essence and to resist their dark side. Only in this
22 case, can we draw increasing revenues veritably and spice up our leisure time .

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Student Usage of Computers
With the significant advancement of economy ,Computers become
more and more important in our lives. As the statistic shows that
there is a sharp increase of comp...

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Student Usage of Computers
With the significant advancement of economy ,Computers become
more and more important in our lives. As the statistic shows that
there is a sharp increase of computers from the year 1995 to 2000.
There are several factors ,in my opinion, that have contributed to
the dramatic increase.
To begin with, Since the industrialization has made the massive manufacturing
possible,and partly due to the genuine technology evolution,partly due to
the economy,computers became less and less expensive,which changed them
from an unaffordable luxury into a fashion accessory.
besides,it is because of the common people in society who are becoming better-off.
All these factors helped start the booming of student usage of computers.
However ,as computers are gaining increasing popularity, a lot of problems
followed
To name only a few, a lot of college students are glued to computer games
such as CS (a short name for popular computer game counter strike).
these games erode our time-honored virtue, undercut their glowing lives.
and moreover it is common that many of the students do not take
a good advantage of their computers.they get themselves indulged
in some indecent contents on the internet ,such as pornography.
If not curved, littered data, like drugs, gradually corrode mind of adolescents.
By and large, because of unfavorable attitudes to the computers,
a large number of teenagers are trapped inside a shell .
"No gardens has no weeds." Fortunately ,most students, with no exception to me,
know that we should not be slaved but be a master of computers.
We are supposed to be sensible enough to absorb their essence
and to resist their dark side.
Only in this case, can we draw increasing revenues
veritably and spice up our leisure time .

收起