求评分雅思大作文请评分雅思大作文并提出改进意见,Subject:Nowadays there are various methods to relieve the pressure in modern life.Some read or exercise,others work in their gardens.What do you think are the best ways of reducing

求评分雅思大作文请评分雅思大作文并提出改进意见,Subject:Nowadays there are various methods to relieve the pressure in modern life.Some read or exercise,others work in their gardens.What do you think are the best ways of reducing
求评分雅思大作文
请评分雅思大作文并提出改进意见,
Subject:
Nowadays there are various methods to relieve the pressure in modern life.Some read or exercise,others work in their gardens.What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress?
Answer:
In present-day society,it’s widely believed that pressure in modern life becomes an increased crucial issue.This issue has attracted intense attention and various methods to relieve the pressure are available.In this essay,I will enumerate some methods of reducing stress and investigate which one is the best.
It’s evident that reading books and watching movies are methods which can reduce stress.People acquire knowledge from encyclopedia books or have fun with comedy movies.But in the meantime,people can also feel tired with their eyes after keep watching things for a long time.Moreover,exercise is also a way to relieve the pressure.For instance,playing football,basketball or doing yoga.However,it would be harmful for your body if you practice in wrong way or in accident.All in all,these are not the best way of reducing stress.
Given these factors,I believe the best way to relieve the pressure is hanging out with your friends.You can do some outdoor activities like camping,fishing and bicycling,or have a drink in a bar to talk about the daily life and funny matters.It would be very helpful for you to keep in touch with your friends and talk to your friends about your interesting things.In my opinion,the best way to reduce stress is talking to other people and hearing from other people what they are thinking.Carelessly,the stress will fly away from your mind.
In summary,methods to relieve the pressure are diverse.However,I am convinced that hang out with your friends is the best way.

求评分雅思大作文请评分雅思大作文并提出改进意见,Subject:Nowadays there are various methods to relieve the pressure in modern life.Some read or exercise,others work in their gardens.What do you think are the best ways of reducing
1 This issue has attracted intense attention and various methods to relieve the pressure are available. 有语法问题,把are available去掉就可以了.
2 people can also feel tired with their eyes after keep watching things for a long time 在after后面的动词要用doing
3 hang out with your friends is the best way. 改成hanging out
总体来说,本文有如下问题：
1 句式模板化太强,可能你认为很酷,但我告诉你这样的作文分数肯定不高.一篇好的文章,句子要很有针对性,或者说同样的话不同文章里面,句式是有变体的.一个能应用于很多文章里面的句子,是一个套句,是不具有针对性的句子,是不会打高分的.
2 本文过于追求套路,造成逻辑上不连贯,第二段很机械,一会儿说读书好,一会又说不好,一会说锻炼好,一会又说锻炼不好.没有条理,没有逻辑.
3 本文对与hanging out的解释也不是很直接,要说出与读书,和锻炼相比,hanging out有哪些优势,这样才有说服力.
4 总之,本文过去关注句式,关注套路,关注模板一样的东西,造成文章很死,不灵活,回答问题没有针对性,没有说服力.写作其实是一个分享思路,分享思想的过程,太把他当成考试,就不好了.如仍然不懂,细聊吧!

挺好的~

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