求雅思专业人士（大神）帮忙啊,能帮我改改文章吗?最好能够告诉我大概能打几分,In this contemporary society,the world is witnessing a new phenomenon,that is,the increasing popularity of information and communications tech

求雅思专业人士（大神）帮忙啊,能帮我改改文章吗?最好能够告诉我大概能打几分,In this contemporary society,the world is witnessing a new phenomenon,that is,the increasing popularity of information and communications tech
求雅思专业人士（大神）帮忙啊,能帮我改改文章吗?最好能够告诉我大概能打几分,
In this contemporary society,the world is witnessing a new phenomenon,that is,the increasing popularity of information and communications technology (ICT) amongst the world,but it does not appeal to be welcomed by the elderly.Considering this issue,this essay will explore the approaches that allow this technology to be more supportive and promote its use to the aging group.
To begin with,there is no denying that cell phones and the Internet play pivotal roles in the elderly’s life.More precisely,they open avenues for the elderly to communicate with their family members.For instance,with the installation of Skype in a computer and phone,old citizens will have more opportunities to interact with their children who live in different cities.In other words,instead of traditional communicating methodologies such as writing a letter,these electronic tools seem to be more reliable.Furthermore,introducing practical mobile applications can help to improve the older residents’ physical health.Such applications act as precursors in promoting old people’s well-being.Taking My Fitness Pal as an example,it provides a healthy diet plan for its users.Consequently,using ICT can decrease the incidence of health issues.
In order to enhance the use of these technology,it is significant to produce easily accessible models.From the elderly’s perspective,less instructions seem to be more convenient which allow them to use it whenever is necessary.Additionally,phones with adjustable font and bigger screen will generally be more popular,as most old residents tend to have long eye sight.As a result,these media tools seem to be more supportive if these features can be achieved.
还有conclusion和问题贴不上了,帮我看看呗

求雅思专业人士（大神）帮忙啊,能帮我改改文章吗?最好能够告诉我大概能打几分,In this contemporary society,the world is witnessing a new phenomenon,that is,the increasing popularity of information and communications tech
不是专业人士,但是雅思写作7分的烤鸭可以帮你看看~怎么样?