马上就要考雅思了写了篇大作文跪求诸位大神帮看一下,打个分吧Question:Someone maintains that collegeshould teach knowledge about future jobs,while others argue that studentsshould learn what they are interested.What is your op

马上就要考雅思了写了篇大作文跪求诸位大神帮看一下,打个分吧Question:Someone maintains that collegeshould teach knowledge about future jobs,while others argue that studentsshould learn what they are interested.What is your op
马上就要考雅思了写了篇大作文跪求诸位大神帮看一下,打个分吧
Question:Someone maintains that college
should teach knowledge about future jobs,while others argue that students
should learn what they are interested.What is your opinion?
Colleges are now facing the problems,for
they do not know what they should do to effectively teach the students.While some
of the people announce that college should pay attention mainly in developing
students’ interests,other citizens proclaim that universities should
concentrate on the specific knowledge about the coming jobs.However,in my
opinion promoting individual’s for their future occupation is the priority of
each college to ponder.
As college should be humanized,students’
uniqueness is supposed to be encouraged.Therefore,as one of the main derivations
of specificity,individuals’ interests should be concentrated first.Besides,
well- developed interests that individuals possessed could enormously drive the
students to conquer the obstacles they will encounter in the future due to the
supplications of interests-confidence and courage.Furthermore,interests allow
students to achieve their potential and to conduct to all-round development.These
three reasons prove the profession that universities should allow students to
learn what they are interested in.
However,the people who are in favor of
opposing arguments proclaim that the society we live today is unprecedentedly turbulent
and cruel.The amount of unemployment has soared to a high level which demonstrates
the difficulties and the risks students will face and take in the future.More and
more people have already obliged to change their dreams and interests to adapt
to the society.Therefore,college could not mainly focus on the interests of individuals,
but prior teaching specific jobs’ professional knowledge to the first place.
By considering both sides’ arguments,in my
opinion,colleges should rise and enhance individuals’ interests to their
future occupation,which could successfully allow them to be more competitive
in the future.
这个排版…… 很坑爹希望大神们不要介意,拷到word里面看吧~

马上就要考雅思了写了篇大作文跪求诸位大神帮看一下,打个分吧Question:Someone maintains that collegeshould teach knowledge about future jobs,while others argue that studentsshould learn what they are interested.What is your op
However,in myopinion这里加个逗号.
of each college to ponder.这里of改成for
These three reasons prove the profession that universities should allow students to
learn what they are interested in.建议修改后放到该段落第二句.如以there are three folds of reasons that proving why the.开头
more people have already ‘been' obliged to change加上been
but prior teaching specific jobs’ professional knowledge to the first place.这里我觉得你prior的用法不对,改成to put吧
总结,楼主句法比较扎实,语法问题不大,看得出背了很多单词,但是有一些其实在这里的用法不是很常见我也很难说对还是不对,个人看法是没有太大必要追求新词,用得合适比较重要.我没背过这么多单词,作文7.5仅供参考.
另外点评一下文章结构,比较典型的雅思作文段式,两方都讨论了但是我没从讨论过程中看出一方的观点是如何over了另一方的.好像在说ZZ有三好,ZZ,ZZ,ZZ好,XX也有三好,XX,XX,XX好,但是还是XX好,个人建议是如果文章开头给了一个偏向的话,写成ZZ有1好,但是有2差,XX有1差,但是有2好,然后总结.还有那个开头方式既不够开门见山,也不够有特点.建议如果不会写开头可以按照,一句话交代文章背景,一句话交代文章话题,一句话交代文章叙述方式,以你本文的结构来看比如“我们将从正反两方面讨论这个话题,然后综合起来进行比较”.具体怎么说要看你计划文章结构怎么写.要明白第一段的真正作用,而不是凑字数.

65分吧 :)

可以70还行