求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 an
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求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 an
求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.
好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.
The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projection for
2050.
To begin with,the first chart of Yemen reveals in 2000 half of the population were occupied by kids,while the elders merely took 3.6% of total population.And the rest of people,about 46.3% of all were held by the work forces.However,comparing with Yemen,it was an entirely different situation.According to the chart below,there were less than three twentieths of Italian were kids,but almost one quarter of total population were elders.As to the rest third fifth,they were surely the work forces.
Furthermore,in 2050,due to its large occupation of kids,there is believed that over half of entire population in Yemen will be the work forces.Still,less than 6% of total population were elders.And although there may be a decreasing,but,still,about two fifths will be kids.Italy seems to have a less optimistic prospect in 2050,that is over 40% of population will be occupied by elders,moreover kids only took 11.5% of population.The remaining 46.2% will be the workforces.
All in all,it is noticeable that among these two countries,the occupation of old persons is likely to increase gradually and alternatively the kids is about to decrease in 2050.
求帮忙改改雅思小作文,麻烦详细点.剑九 TEST 3.好的话有加分的,求指点马上就要考了,还没怎么准备呢,作文跪求5.5啊.着急死了.The charts clearly indicates the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 an
最严重的问题,你task response这项可能会扣分,你人口年龄分类这块你没说明白.图中明显地给你分了年龄段了,你别无视它啊.至少也得用一次,再在下文进行the elder之类的指代.建议你在开头段说一下年龄分类,...divided in three age groups,namingly 多少多少岁,交代清楚.
还有你小孩儿这一项千万别用kids,这表达不正式,你用children都比这强.建议用those who aged 多少到多少.the 6-14 category,等等表达.elders和workforces也有点用滥了,注意替换.
我觉得不是situation,有点别扭,我觉得用picture好些吧,没大问题,个人习惯.
还有一事,行文中别用below,因为你答题纸上下面没图,切记!
俩国家是between those 2 countries
你的比较方向和结构这大方向很对,描述很有动感,词汇使用上很大胆,继续保持
另外,注意你的同义替换,别主观臆断,想什么写什么,根据图表来写.
总体来说没有你test 4那篇写的好,差不多6分吧,把错误改改很容易到7以上.