要幽默的英语小短文,不少于100个单词

要幽默的英语小短文,不少于100个单词
要幽默的英语小短文,不少于100个单词

要幽默的英语小短文,不少于100个单词
Talking clock 会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,a college student led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock," the man replied."How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly,someone screamed from the other side of the wall,"Knock it off,you idiot!It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意.“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他.“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答.“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问.“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋.突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest.One of them suddenly fell down by accident.He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing.The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help.The operator said calmly:"First,you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说：“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡.”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”
There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000; another one,$10,000; and the third one,$30,000.The customer asked the owner,“How come this guy is $5,000?That’s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said,“Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him,“How about this guy?What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said,“Well,apart from talking,he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That’s why he’s so expensive.” Then the customer said,“How about the third one?What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid,“I don’t know.Normally,I have never heard him talk,nor dance,nor whistle,nor sing,nothing at all!But the other two call him ‘The Boss.’” 老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉.店里有三只鹦鹉,其中一只卖五千元,另一只卖一万元,还有一只卖三万元.顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元?这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了!」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话.」顾客又问：「那这只呢?他会做什么?为什么要卖这么贵?」老板说：「他除了会说话之外,还会表演一些有趣的动作,好比说跳舞等等,所以才卖这么贵.」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢?他会做什么?为什么要卖这么贵?」老板说：「我不知道.我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌,也没看过他跳舞,什么都没有!不过另外两只叫他：『老板!』」
“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars!Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元.” “20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元.” “是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了.”
I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy,why have you got cotton-wool in your ear?Is it infected?" "No,sir,but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other ,so I am trying to stop it." “孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?” “没有,老师.可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进,一个耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面.”

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a scho...

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In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。

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1 But the teacher cried可是老师哭了
Text(正文):
　　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted any...

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1 But the teacher cried可是老师哭了
Text(正文):
　　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
　 When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
　　可是老师哭了
　　六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
　　约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”
　　“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
2 Which woman?哪一位女人？
Text(正文):
　　One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
　　My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
　　哪一位女人？
　　一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，
　　回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
　　我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？
3 The doctor lives downstairs医生住在楼下
Text(正文):
　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
　　 医生住在楼下
　　“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
　　“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
　　他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
4 One Engine Left只剩一个引擎
Text(正文):
　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r
esult."
　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
　只剩一个引擎
　　一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时　。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦　？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。" 　
5 Logic Reasoning逻辑推理
Text(正文):
　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
　　逻辑推理
　　小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
　　[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
6 Where is the father?父亲在哪儿？
Text(正文):
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
　　　 "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
　　　 The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
　　 父亲在哪儿？
　　　 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
　　　 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
　　　 “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
　　　 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
7　dating 　　约会
Text(正文):
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
　　"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
　　"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
　　约会
　　在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”
8 Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
9 Creative Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job. I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed. 创造性 第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。 我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。
10 Talking clock 会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
11 Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
12 There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That’s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That’s why he’s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don’t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ‘The Boss.’” 老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」
13 “I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”
14 I'm Trying to Stop It "Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”
15 In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。

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