去面试外贸采购,要集体用英语做自我介绍,我刚刚写了一份草稿,各位牛人请提一些修改建议,Good morning,everyone~I really got shocked by you because all of you are so amazing,vigorous and friendly,and I am glad to know y

去面试外贸采购,要集体用英语做自我介绍,我刚刚写了一份草稿,各位牛人请提一些修改建议,Good morning,everyone~I really got shocked by you because all of you are so amazing,vigorous and friendly,and I am glad to know y
去面试外贸采购,要集体用英语做自我介绍,我刚刚写了一份草稿,各位牛人请提一些修改建议,
Good morning,everyone~
I really got shocked by you because all of you are so amazing,vigorous and friendly,and I am glad to know you all!
Now I am very pleased to have the honor to introduce myself to us.
My name is Chris,who graduated from Beihang University last year.My major is Electronic Engineering,which is important experience for working in electronic components field.
As a foreign trade salesperson,I have acquired one-year valuable experience from my last corporation AVC,which is one of the
largest system thermal solution suppliers in the world,so it would be easy and exciting for me to negotiate with foreign suppliers in English.
Well,in my spare time,I often go roller-skating,read some books or watch NBA sport games.
I’d like to be a friend of every one of you and I look forward to joining our excellent team.
That’s all!Thank you very much!
有没有什么该介绍的没有介绍，或者不该介绍的却介绍了？

去面试外贸采购,要集体用英语做自我介绍,我刚刚写了一份草稿,各位牛人请提一些修改建议,Good morning,everyone~I really got shocked by you because all of you are so amazing,vigorous and friendly,and I am glad to know y
Good morning, everyone~
I'm glad to know you all since you are so amazing, vigorous and friendly (原句比较啰嗦,而且shock表示"震惊",用在这里不恰当)!
Now I am very pleased to introduce myself to you(原句比较啰嗦).
My name is Chris, and I graduated from Beihang University last year. My major was Electronic Engineering, which is important experience for working in the industry of electronic components.
（下面几段写得较好,只作了少量修改）
As a foreign trade salesperson, I have acquired one-year valuable experience from my last corporation AVC, which is one of the
largest system thermal solution suppliers in the world, so it would be easy and exciting for me to negotiate with foreign suppliers in English.
Well, in my spare time, I often go roller-skating, read some books or watch NBA games.
I’d like to be a friend with you all and I look forward to joining our excellent team.
That’s all! Thank you very much!
（最后,祝面试顺利!）

很好不用改

很好

"introduce myself to us" 改成“introduce myself to you"
"My name is Chris, who graduated from Beihang University last year."改成"My name is Chris,and I graduated from Beihang University last year."
你还可以介绍一下自己的性格以及除了所学专业之外的特长吧

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look forward to joining our excellent team.
to join our excellent team
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or could be "i hope i could be one menber of your good company"